Assalamualaikum Warahmatullah
I have a 6 year old son and a 4 year old daughter and they both sleep with my wife. My other kids did the same until they turned almost 9 or 10 years of age. Even my eldest 17 year old sometimes sleeps with her. What should I do in situations especially when I need her during the night time for establishing marital relations? Every time I have to beg her regarding this need and my frustration is increasing extremely. Please guide me in this matter and what I should tell her.
JazakAllahu Khaira
Walaikumassalam Warahmatullahi Wabarakatuh
الجواب وباللہ التوفیق
There is no harm if the little kids are sleeping with the mother. However, this issue should be kept in mind that when the children are reaching, or have reached the age of bhulooghat (adulthood) then sleeping together or with the mother is considered incorrect. In a hadith, Rasulullah Sallallaho Alyhi Wasallam has forbidden girls and boys who are reaching or have reached bhulooghat to sleep in the same bed and the same blanket. The only ones permitted to sleep together in this manner is the husband and wife and no one else. The only exception to this ruling is if the children in discussion are disabled, which will be considered as a separate situation. Therefore, you should counsel the adult children, separate their beds and ensure that they only sleep in their own beds. This is not a huge issue and is something that can be controlled by counseling with care and be resolved amicably.
Secondly, it is mandatory upon the wife to come immediately to the husband when he needs her. In the ahadith, Rasulullah Sallallaho Alyhi Wasallam said that when a husband calls his wife to fulfill his need then she should respond to him even if she is in the kitchen (i.e she is busy with some other important work). In addition, he said that the wife who does not come to the husband even though the husband has asked, the angels curse that woman until the morning. Therefore, it is mandatory for the wife to go to the husband as soon as he calls her. If she does not, then she will be considered sinful.
عن عمرو بن شعیب عن أبیہ عن جدہ رضي اللّٰہ عنہ قال: قال رسول اللّٰہ صلی اللّٰہ علیہ وسلم: مروا أولادکم بالصلاۃ وہم أبناء سبع سنین، واضربوہم علیہا وہم أبناء عشر سنین، وفرقوا بینہم في المضاجع۔ (سنن أبي داؤد، کتاب الصلاۃ / باب متی یؤمر الغلام بالصلاۃ رقم: ۴۹۵ دار الفکر بیروت، مشکاۃ المصابیح، کتاب الصلاۃ / الفصل الثاني ۱؍۵۸)قال الملا علي القاري رحمہ اللّٰہ تعالیٰ: أمر من التفریق بینہم: أي بین البنین والبنات علی ما ہو الظاہر … وقال ابن حجر: بہٰذا الحدیث أخذ أئمتنا، فقالوا: یجب أن یفرق بین الإخوۃ والأخوات، فلا یجوز حینئذٍ تمکین ابنین من الاجتماع في موضع واحد … والفرق بینہم في المضاجع في الطفولیۃ تأدیبًا ومحافظۃً لأمر اللّٰہ تعالیٰ۔ (مرقاۃ المفاتیح / کتاب الصلاۃ ۲؍۲۵۷ رقم: ۵۷۲ دار الکتب العلمیۃ بیروت)
ولا یجوز للرجل مضاجعۃ الرجل، وإن کان کل واحد منہما في جانب من الفراش، ولقولہ علیہ السلام: وفرقوا بینہم في المضاجع وہم أبناء عشر۔ (شامي ۹؍۵۴۸ زکریا)
عَنْ أَبِي هُرَيْرَةَ ، قَالَ : قَالَ رَسُولُ اللهِ صلى الله عليه وسلم : إذَا دَعَا الرَّجُلُ امْرَأَتَهُ إلَى فِرَاشِهِ فَأَبَتْ فَبَاتَ غَضْبَانَ عَلَيْهَا لَعَنَتْهَا الْمَلاَئِكَةُ حَتَّى تُصْبِحَ.(مصنف ابن ابی شیبۃ: كِتَابُ النِّكَاحِ،۱۷۴۱۸)
عنْ قَيْسِ بْنِ طَلْقٍ , عَنْ أَبِيهِ طَلْقِ بْنِ عَلِيٍّ قَالَ : جَلَسْنا عِنْدَ نَبِيِّ اللهِ صلى الله عليه وسلم فَسَمِعْتُ نَبِيَّ اللهِ صلى الله عليه وسلم يَقُولُ : إذَا دَعَا الرَّجُلُ زَوْجَتَهُ لِحَاجَتِهِ فَلْتَأْتِهِ , وَإِنْ كَانَتْ عَلَى التَّنُّورِ.(سنن ترمذی:کتاب الرضاعۃ:۱۱۶۰)
والسلام