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Enduring an Abusive Marriage

Answered by: Mufti Tammim Mohamadou

Question:

I am in a long enduring abusive marriage. My husband does not respect me at all, and I have to share a bedroom with my teen daughter. I have two teens for whom I’ve come back home repeatedly after deciding to leave after violent episodes. I made a lot of promises just two months ago and I believed again. My in-laws have a big hand in my issues. My husband is now buying a home without me, and I’m scared to join as I will have nothing to my name and the abuse will likely get worse when I have no rights in his home. I’m in social housing and the lease is in both names.

I’m stuck and have been made a fool once again and cannot approach my family anymore. I’m so scared and do not want to jeopardize my kid’s future.

What should I do, the father-in-law that intervened in my situation previously is no longer taking my calls as my husband has instructed them.

In the name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful

Answer:

We ask that Allah ﷻ to relieve your pain and suffering; we also ask that He grants you much more goodness in return for the hardships you have been dealing with patiently.

As far as your question is concerned, you should:

  • Turn to Allah ﷻ with repentance, supplication and Sadaqah,

It is reported by Sayyiduna Anas bin Malik (رضي الله عنه) that the Prophet (ﷺ) said: “The supplication is the essence of worship.” (Jami` at-Tirmidhi 3371)

It is reported by Sayyiduna Ka’b ibn Ujrah and others (رضي الله عنهم) that The Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) said: “Sadaqah (charity) extinguishes sins just as water extinguishes fire.” (Jami` at-Tirmidhi 614)

  • Make du’a for your husband for his change and improvement for a better

It is reported by Sayyiduna ‘Abdullah bin ‘Amr (رضي الله عنهما) that the Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) said: “No supplication is more readily responded to, than the supplication made for someone who is absent.” (Jami` at-Tirmidhi 1980)

  • Speak up and share your concern with your husband,

It is reported by ‘Abdullah ibn Mas’ud that the Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) said: “It is obligatory for you to tell the truth, for the truth leads to virtue and virtue leads to Paradise, and the man who continues to speak the truth and endeavours, to tell the truth, is eventually recorded as truthful with Allah, and beware of telling of a lie for telling of a lie leads to obscenity and obscenity leads to Hell-Fire, and the person who keeps telling lies and endeavours to tell a lie is recorded as a liar with Allah.” (Sahih Muslim 2607c)

  • Seek good counsel from neutral elders of the family or scholars

It is reported by Sayyiduna Ma’qil ibn Yasar (رضي الله عنه) that he heard the Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) saying: “Any man whom Allah has given the authority of ruling some people and does not protect them with good counsel will not smell the fragrance of paradise.” (Sahih al-Bukhari 7150)

Despite all your effort and patience, if the situation of your marriage has not improved in the future then you may try to find relief in separation whether temporary or permanent through a divorce.

Allah ﷻ said in the Holy Qur’an:

Now, if you apprehend that they would not maintain the limits set by Allah, then, there is no sin on them in what she gives up to secure her release. These are the limits set by Allah. Therefore, do not exceed them. And whosoever exceeds limits set by Allah, then, those are the transgressors.” (Surah al-Baqarah, v229)

And if they resolve to divorce, Allah is All-Hearing, All-Knowing.” (Surah al-Baqarah, v227)

Due to the delicate nature of matrimonial cases, it is important that you seek further advice and support from a supportive family, a local scholar body, an elder, or a support group and go through the specifics of your case, in shā Allah.

Only Allah (ﷻ) knows best.

Written by Maulana Tammim Mohamadou

Checked and approved by Mufti Mohammed Tosir Miah

Darul Ifta Birmingham

This answer was collected from DarulIftaBirmingham.co.uk, which is run under the supervision of Mufti Mohammed Tosir Miah from the United Kingdom.

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