Q: My nikkah took place in august and it was decided that rukhsati will be done in December when the members of both families will gather up, as siblings from both the families were settled abroad. No specific date was fixed even though my mother asked my mother in law a couple of times after nikkah, but she kept on making different excuses. My husband and I used to talk on phone once a week and he was absolutely normal yet I could notice some annoyance in his tone after sometime. Unfortunately, after about a month my husband messaged me for ending a relation. The reasons he and his family was giving were some of the disputes that took place before nikkah. The dispute was as follows: My mother got hospitalized during the end of ramazan. My mother and father in law came to see her in hospital and later on my fiancé came home to meet her with his sister; that was when we saw each other for the first time. However, the next day my mother in law called my cousin objecting over not having my head covered both in hospital and at home, although the picture that my sister in law took from me was of my university function. We took this matter seriously because whatever she had said she said it by taking my fiancé’s name, and we were concerned about it if the person is so possessive or suspicious in the first meeting he can object later on any tiny thing passing-by since we live in the same area hood. My mother’s health was already not good, so she decided to ask my khala to call her and to refuse for not doing nikkah at the moment rather we can go for grand engagement, but my mother in law called my mother and excused over it and insisted to have nikkah because her daughter was visiting Pakistan. It was days of eid, my cousin went to give eidi to their home when my fiancé denied that he never said any such thing, and that he was messaging me and I was not giving any reply to him, therefore they decided that he should meet me and clear everything. He came over and everything got cleared we decided to have nikkah on the fixed date. Unfortunately, after a month they raised those issues and were found to have offended with the phone call of my khala. Moreover, they also raised issues about my demographics that are basically catered at the time of proposal, i.e. my age, height, about my sister’s in laws etc., everything was in front of them before nikkah though. My copy of nic, my signatures and part about me on papers of nikkah were filled and sent a week before nikkah, my mother in law also came over after receiving papers along with her daughter and son in law to meet me, she also discussed something filled in nikkah nama. I tried my best to clear everything to my husband told him the facts whatever had happened at the time of proposal setting, he was a bit confused so he said that the two mothers should talk with each other. The night his mother called and ended the relation the same night he messaged me saying he’s not feeling good at all. I replied and we had a long argument which ended up on patch up. Later on we discussed some of our pointers and decided to marry. He promised me that he would not take any such decision without my consensus as these decisions are taken in extreme situations between couples. He also said that I won’t receive any call from his home until and unless I give him a green signal. But his mother showed the most impatience she called to settle up for a date of wedding without keeping any foundation in between. We were already so tensed about the situation we’ve been through, we needed time to come out of that tension, I tried to explain this to my husband but nothing happened he was repeating what his mother was saying for his siblings being a part of event. They were insistent to have December while we were not in a position to give December right away we wanted to keep march instead, as my siblings travel documents were not ready. My mother was upto doing istikhara for rukhsati but no definite answer she was getting (She was seeing mixed dreams, in one dream she saw a black cat and a putla, to which she interpreted that my mother in law would ruin my life and making me a putla, in another she saw me all pink with a glow on my face). My mother threatened me that if I opted for this wedding I will lose my family, she also asked my cousin to say things that I should take a decision against my husband, my brother (residing broad) suggested my mother not to make me meet my husband. Hence they were making me fearful and persuading me to end up. For the time being I got confused and that is when situation got out of my control but I was firm that I want to continue with my relation I don’t want a divorce yet I wanted time to come out of the stress and convince my family. I seeked suggestions from my office director and an aalim from my family they suggested to go for rukhsati as soon as possible before some other disputes arises, but my family was not listening to me and that’s exactly what came out from his sister she said when things got worsened on date settling. However, my husband didn’t give me this statement nor anyone from his family did, infact none of his family member ever kept in contact with me after nikkah, which my husband had complain from me that I called his mother after a month of nikkah. His mother was just being too impatient and later on started threatening to give the date else it’s over. My family members started saying to wait till my brother comes in December and he will give the date. I was extremely tensed and pressurized and out of all the pressure I mentioned above I slipped from my tongue that I had left things to my family to decide, but since elders were making it even more complicated so I asked him to meet and sort this out together, but he was offended at what I said and repeated the same to me that he has also left this issue to his family and stopped talking to me. I tried my best to contact him for weeks so that I can clarify but he never gave me a chance to speak he blocked me from every source of contact and they decided to divorce me finally, of which I was uninformed. There was tug of war going on for me to decide either of them and I was all alone struggling to balance both the relations but when I decided that I should go for my husband parents and siblings are blood relations they will never end, it was already too late. I regret for being threatened by my mother and becoming too weak to take a decision in favor of my husband for not believing in him as he promised me that he would never take this decision without my consensus, but he still did. The divorce papers that he got prepared were of predesigned template of Pakistani law ‘talaq nama bahimi razamandi’. According to them they had delivered on my address but we never received it. When we got to know about it so my family talked to some of their family members that he should divorce me on phone and give the papers as well. He called me and said u are free from my side and u’v got divorced as papers are being signed, u will receive your papers and cheque very soon. I didn’t receive that unless my brother came and completed the paperwork with a mutual mediator of both families. That was when we got the copy of divorce paper that he signed, when we saw that we were stunned because the divorce was in no way with mutual consensus it was imposed on me. My brother got that cancelled and prepared another one which stated the reason of wedding date not being settled. During this time his parents were off for umrah and he was dealing this issue directly and in the same time he said that I have given only one divorce to which the mediator scolded him. I didn’t understand uptil now why did he even say that. However, we both signed on the second paper prepared at which it was mentioned agreed and accepted after my signatures. I studied a lot on my case and I learned that when a girl gets divorced before rukhsati the divorce is counted as one as it is enough to break the relation, and if the couple wants to remarry they can do so without going through a natural process of halala, until and unless the husband says or writes that I give you three divorces. I am sending you the attachment of both divorce papers please tell me if there is any way for us to remarry, as I am confused if I have got three divorces or just one? Let me clarify, he called me to say it on phone after he had signed on the divorce paper of ‘talaq nama bahimi razamandi’.
PS: when my I was trying to contact my husband, one of my friends told me about a mufti I contacted him and he told me that I was under the effects of black magic for marriage, which is a year old. He gave me manzil to read three times a day for 11 days. But within these 11 days I got divorced, we tried to reconcile as I made up my mind for giving their desired wedding date but his mother was not willing to continue, therefore she ended it up. After 2 months of divorce I went for umrah and madina was our first station. On our first day my mami messaged me about the dream she saw at 4.30 am, which is as follows: “subha k 4.30 baj rahe meri aankh khuli hai mai apne aap ko bohat halka mehsoos kar rahi hun maine khuab mai tumhare saabqa saas susr ko tumhari saari feelings dil khol k sunain hain k unho ne yateem bachi k saath kia kia hai, us ka kia qasoor tha jo uss ko talaq hui, ..wo bohat sharminda thay..susar ne akhir mai dobara rishta jorne ki paishkash ki jis par mai ne unko inkaar kardia k ab tou hum bilkul bhi nai karain gy aap loug uss ka saara maika khatam karwa dain gy mai mami hun sab se pehle aap mugh se milne se mana karain gy k mai ne aap ko itni sunai hain” My question is about my divorce, if I have got 3 divorces at once or what does shariah say about this type of divorce, is there any way for me to remarry him. Also please tell me the interpretations about the dreams I have highlighted. Secondly, since both the families have got yes in istikhara at the beginning of the proposal then why did this all happen, is there any way to know if this proposal was good for me or not. Did I did a mistake for not opting my husband right away and got afraid of my family’s threats? Because this is where I’m regretting the most, it is my will to have a reunion.
And Allah Ta’ala (الله تعالى) knows best.
Mufti Zakaria Makada
Checked & Approved:
Mufti Ebrahim Salejee (Isipingo Beach)