I am a 16 year old boy. I am currently facing the biggest problem of my life. I have to speak openly here and i’m sure other people are also facing this crisis. This problem is no other then masturbation. I first ‘accidentally’ discovered it when i was 12 and have been doing it since. I have tried everything. Fasting hasn’t worked also. I am ashamed to admit that even Ramadhan hasn’t stopped me. I can clearly see that it is destroying my life and that everytime I do it I have a bad day and see others also affected by it. After I engage in this filthy act I immediately regret what I have done.
I am so depressed. I’ve been trying to stop for four years. I can clearly say that this is more addictive then anything, even a drug. The reason eing is because it’s free and so easy to access pornography, which is also a problem, it is also another filthy thing which I am addicted to. Please help me, i’m too scared to tell my parent or tell anyone in fact. It’s eating away at my life and my deen. My fear for Allah is decreasing. I sometimes miss my salah because of it. Everytime I try and quit shaytan leads me back to it. Nothing seems to work. Please guide me and advise me.
In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.
As-salāmu ‘alaykum wa-rahmatullāhi wa-barakātuh.
We are pleased to hear of your good intentions to refrain from the evil sins of pornography and masturbation. These are indeed despicable sins which ruin the life of an individual. You are in the prime of your life. As a teenager, ones desires and passions are at the highest. However, one who controls one’s passions and desires shall surely taste the sweetness of Eemaan. One should make a concerted effort to protect yourself from the evil temptations and insinuations of Shaytaan.
Rasullullah (SallallahuAlayhiWaSallam) said:
حَدَّثَنَا مُسَدَّدٌ، حَدَّثَنَا يَحْيَى، عَنْ عُبَيْدِ اللَّهِ، قَالَ: حَدَّثَنِي خُبَيْبُ بْنُ عَبْدِ الرَّحْمَنِ، عَنْ حَفْصِ بْنِ عَاصِمٍ، عَنْ أَبِي هُرَيْرَةَ رَضِيَ اللَّهُ عَنْهُ، عَنِ النَّبِيِّ صَلَّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ قَالَ: ” سَبْعَةٌ يُظِلُّهُمُ اللَّهُ تَعَالَى فِي ظِلِّهِ يَوْمَ لاَ ظِلَّ إِلَّا ظِلُّهُ: إِمَامٌ عَدْلٌ، وَشَابٌّ نَشَأَ فِي عِبَادَةِ اللَّهِ، وَرَجُلٌ قَلْبُهُ مُعَلَّقٌ فِي المَسَاجِدِ، وَرَجُلاَنِ تَحَابَّا فِي اللَّهِ، اجْتَمَعَا عَلَيْهِ وَتَفَرَّقَا عَلَيْهِ، وَرَجُلٌ دَعَتْهُ امْرَأَةٌ ذَاتُ مَنْصِبٍ وَجَمَالٍ فَقَالَ: إِنِّي أَخَافُ اللَّهَ، وَرَجُلٌ تَصَدَّقَ بِصَدَقَةٍ فَأَخْفَاهَا حَتَّى لاَ تَعْلَمَ شِمَالُهُ مَا تُنْفِقُ يَمِينُهُ، وَرَجُلٌ ذَكَرَ اللَّهَ خَالِيًا، فَفَاضَتْ عَيْنَاهُ ” (صحيح البخاري، ج2 ص111، دار طوق النجاة (مصورة عن السلطانية بإضافة ترقيم ترقيم محمد فؤاد عبد الباقي)
“There will be seven types of people on the Day of Judgment which will be shaded under the A’rsh (throne) of Allah from the intense heat of the sun. One of these seven people will be those youngsters which have spent their entire youth in the worship and obedience of Allah and have refrained from committing sins.”
Refraining from a bad and evil habit requires courage and determination. Make a firm determination and resolve not to commit these evil sins. Will power is the most critical and fundamental aspect in refraining from such evil habits/sins. Develop self-control and discipline within yourself in order to refrain from sins. HadhratMoulana Shah Hakeem AkhtarSaheb (Nawwarallhu Marqadahu) used to advise that “All that is required is determination and courage in refraining from sins”.
We advise you to immediately undertake the following remedial measures to solve your addiction:
1. Restrict your internet usage to the bare minimum and only out of need and necessity. You may install the DNS software on your computer and block all unsuitable websites.
2. Use the computer in a common place when people are around you.
3. Request some elderly person who you respect, your parents, your wife or any other person to invigilate you when you are using the internet. There are certain internet software programmes which allow others to monitor your internet usage; you may install such software on your computer/device.
4. Imagine the disgrace and shame that will overcome you if your wife, parents or teacher comes to know of the filthy act that you have done. Where would you hide your face if the entire public comes to know of the sin that you are involved in?
5. Before you sleep every night, think about death and how you will be buried in the gravewith no-one to assist you and help you. Imagine Ghusl (pre-burial bathing)being done to you, you will then be enshrouded with the Kafn, people will be crying, the JanazaSalaah will be performed and then your body will be carried to the graveyard and then you will be buried in the depths of the ground. Who will be there to assist you on that day? Every day, take out some time before you go to sleep and think about death. Insha’Allah, this will remove the ghaflat (heedlessness) from your Nafs.
6. Keep yourself occupied at all times. Keep a Tasbeeh(rosary) in your pocket and whenever you have time and you are not really doing anything, take out your Tasbeeh (rosary) and make Dhikr. Remember that “An idle mind is a devils workshop”.
7. Make a firm resolution that every time you watch pornography or masturbate, you will put a certain amount of money (any realistic affordable amount of money) in a box and at the end of the month I will donate it to a charity or a Masjid or to some poor people. Make sure you pay.
8. Keep your willpower; you can take any preventative measures you want, but unless you have the sincere desire and will to stop, you won’t. “Whether you think you can or you think you can’t…you’re right.”
9. Try to be around other people and never remain alone as far as possible Try to socialize and befriend pious friends who will bring you closer to Allah.
Remain firm and resolute in your quest. Never give up hope. Always, keep trying. Never give way to the subtle whisperings of Shaytaan. At first, refraining from sins might be extremely difficult, but after constant struggle and punishing of the Nafs, the Nafs will finally become tamed and then you will feel pleasure in refraining from sins. Insha’Allah, one day Allah (Ta’ala) will open up his treasures of Ma’rifat and Mahabbah to you. Aameen.
Allah (SubhanahuWaTa’ala) says:
و الذين جاهدوا فينا لنهدينهم سبلنا
“And those who strive to attain our pleasure; we shall definitely guide them to our paths” (Al- Qur’an, 29: 69)
In the above verse, Allah (SubhanahuWaTa’ala) promises those who make an effort to gain the love of Allah (SubhanahuWaTa’ala). The promise of Allah (SubhanahuwaTa’ala) will definitely come to pass, there can be no doubt about that. All that is required is that we continue striving in this path and we will surely attain the Ma’rifat of Allah (Ta’ala).
And Allah Ta’āla Knows Best
Ismail Desai,
Darul Iftaa
Durban, South Africa
Checked and Approved by,
Mufti Ebrahim Desai.