Wife not affectionate and loving

Answered according to Hanafi Fiqh by

Aslm Mufti.

My query is with regard to relation between husband and wife.
My wife does not show the same affection towards me as I show to her.
When I do be loving towards her, hugging kissing etc, she pushes me away.
She does not initiate intimacy. She is also not very intimate and i think this is unnatural.

I am also at work the whole day while she is at home. When i get home, i would like to just be together with her and talk, hug etc. But when we get into bed, she plays on her phone instead, and then goes to sleep.
What can i do in this situation?


Wa’alaykum as Salam wa rahamtullahi wa barakatuhu,

You should find out from your wife her reasons why exactly does she keep aloof from you. Perhaps she may be experiencing some sort of physical, emotional, or even mental strain. Try to discuss this with her in person, and if that is not possible, then atleast write a letter to her. In both scenarios, choose your wording carefully, with love, wisdom and sincerity.

Only once you have identified her reasons for keeping this distance, you can try to find a solution and see what options you have.


And Allaah Ta’aala knows best


Ismail Moosa (Mufti)

This answer was collected from which is an excellent Q&A site managed by Mufti Ismail Moosa from South Africa. .

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