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Parents Are Not Making Any Decisions About Proposals for Marriage

Answered as per Hanafi Fiqh by DarulIftaBirmingham

Answered by: Mufti Jamal Ahmed


I am 27 years old. I have many proposals but my parents did not take any decision. They do not have decision power. I want to know something which can help me. thanks

In the name of Allah the most Beneficent, the Most Merciful


If you do the following things it may help you with decision making.

  • You should remember that when choosing a spouse you should give preference to religiosity and good morals. For example, One prospect is very rich and handsome but he is not religious, however, the other prospect is not as rich and handsome as the first one but he is religious and has good morals then the latter is the ideal spouse.

“Abu Hurairah, may Allah be pleased with him, says that the messenger of Allah has said “a woman is married for four (reasons): her wealth, noble ancestry, beauty and religion. Choose the religious woman lest your hand is stuck to dust (because of destitution).” [Al-Bukhari and Muslim] Mishkat, pg. 568, vol.1, Hadith no. 3082.

  • Make Istikharah.

Istikhara means to seek goodness in a matter you intend to do, whatever seems right for you after the istikahra you should proceed with it. If you are unable to make a decision you can repeat the procedure up to seven times.

When you want to do istikhara read two rakats of nafl salah and praise Allah and send blessings upon the Prophet then read the following dua:

‘Allahumma inni astakhiruka bi’ilmika, Wa astaqdiruka bi-qudratika, Wa as’alaka min fadlikal-‘azeem Fa-innaka taqdiru Wala aqdiru, Wata’lamu Wala a’lamu, Wa anta ‘allamu l-ghuyub. Allahumma, in kunta ta’lam anna hadha-l-amra Khairun li fi diniwama’ashi wa’aqibati amri (or ‘ajili amri wa’ajilihi) Faqdirhu wa yas-sirhu li thumma barik li Fihi, Wa in kunta ta’lamu anna hadha-lamra shar-run li fi dini wama’ashi wa’aqibati amri (or fi’ajili amri waajilihi) Fasrifhu anni was-rifni anhu. Waqdir li al-khaira haithu kana Thumma ardinibihi.’

(O Allah! I ask guidance from Your knowledge, And Power from Your Might and I ask for Your great blessings. You are capable and I am not. You know and I do not and You know the unseen. O, Allah! If You know that this job is good for my religion and my subsistence and in my Hereafter–(or said: If it is better for my present and later needs)–Then You ordain it for me and make it easy for me to get, And then bless me in it, and if You know that this job is harmful to me In my religion and subsistence and in the Hereafter–(or said: If it is worse for my present and later needs)–Then keep it away from me and let me be away from it. And ordain for me whatever is good for me, And make me satisfied with it). The Prophet added that then the person should name (mention) his need. (Sahih Al-Bukhari – Book 21 Hadith 263)

When you reach the words هَذَاالْأَمْرَ you should think of your need or the matter you doing the istikahra for.

  • You can also seek advice from other family members, friends or a good scholar or an Imam, who are sincere and are good in decision making.
  • Be constant in dua and zikr
  • Remember that whatever happens is already decided by Allah

Only Allah knows best.

Written by Mufti Jamal Ahmed

Checked and approved by Mufti Mohammed Tosir Miah

Darul Ifta Birmingham

This answer was collected from DarulIftaBirmingham.co.uk, which is run under the supervision of Mufti Mohammed Tosir Miah from the United Kingdom.

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