During Ramadan since I stayed alone, I usually stay till Zuhr at home then go to university for studies as I have evening classes. During fasting I have to stay at home alone at that time I go to chat room and chat sometimes with opposite sex or sometime watch movie or sometime some erotic stories. I understood it is sin, I try to come out and stay with pious companions, but I think so far I have done like this 20 to 30 fast during this 2 or 3 years, but I do not use my hand to masturbate just it get erected and ejaculated. Some times I hug my pillow. Does this come under masturbation? Actually, later I took ghusl and pray Zuhr and go to university and now I feel guilty what should I do I have to fast for (30*60 days) I mean almost 1800 days which is around 4 years continuously, why this much big punishment in Islam for fasting. Also please suggest me what I have to do, I cannot continuously fast for this long period.
First you should do true taubah repenting this bad habit of yours and make firm intention that you would not do such practice in future. The ruling is that kaffarah is not wajib on you. Only the qaza of those fasts is wajib during which you have done this practice. Days are shorter during winter; one does not feel hunger and thirst during day, so you should keep them now and then. This qaza shall be sufficient.
Allah (Subhana Wa Ta’ala) knows Best
Darul Uloom Deoband