Hi everyone, recently I have slept with 4 escorts and kissed a girl at a very young age. I;m so ashamed of myself because I have no hope. I don’t want brag or anything but Allah has given me a blessed life, great family, doing well in school and sports, I believe Allah has always helped me in my life yet I let Allah down to many times. Everyone in my family views me as this nice great person but they have no clue what a bad and idiot person I am. Everyone always tells me Allah forgives all sins but how can Allah forgive me if I can’t forgive myself. Could I tell my parents they view me as this amazing person but have no idea what a loser and terrible person I am. Can someone please help me? I can’t sleep or eat without thinking about what I’ve done.
Assalāmuʿalaikum Wa Raḥmatullāhī Wa Barakātuh,
As a believer, it is necessary to believe in the mercy and forgiveness of Allāh which is unlimited, unlike that of human nature.
Allāh’s forgiveness is not dependent on your forgiveness, and in no way restricted. Allāh forgives whomsoever he wishes. Allāh has and will continue to forgive all those who have sinned to much greater extents.
Sins that are committed between oneself and Allāh should not be made known to others.
All praises are due to Allāh who has not exposed any of your past sins. Why then should one contemplate revealing them to others?
Always remember, the quality of a believer is such that whenever he slips up, then there is repentance and forgiveness, but never should the sin hold one back.
It is, indeed, the ploy of Shayṭān that he lets the past play on one’s mind as a deterrent from spiritual progression.
The fact that you are regretting so much that you disobeyed Allāh proves that you are not a loser or a terrible person.
After seeking forgiveness from Allāh, you should move forward and work towards improving your relationship with Allāh, for most definitely Allāh is waiting on you in this regard.
The Prophet ﷺ said:
“My Lord says, ‘If My slave comes nearer to Me for a span, I go nearer to him for a cubit; and if he comes nearer to Me for a cubit, I go nearer to him for the span of outstretched arms; and if he comes to Me walking, I go to him running.’” [Ṣaḥīḥ al-Bukhārī]
And Allaah Ta’aala knows best
Ismail Moosa (Mufti)