Assalam o alykum,
I’m single mom of 11 yrs old daughter living with my parents. After my separation with my husband I lost into wrong path and got into bad company and habits for sometime. I did sins which I’m ashamed of.
Few months ago, I met a guy and we got physical too. We got committed to eachother and planned to marry after his hajj this year. When I met him, I was in my worse time of life morally and Islamically. He changed me to become a better person as any Muslim should be. We stopped getting physical until we get marry. There were few past incidents I was ashamed of and hid one of it from him, because according to islam when a Muslim repent to Allah, he should not disclose his sin. This was my understanding. Recently, someone tried to poison our relation and told him my sin to him. My fiance brokeup with me. I am now very broken and disheartened. I don’t know what was my mistake since I already changed myself to become a better person. He’s very firm in his decision and don’t want to marry me anymore. I am very close to him and can’t imagine myself to go away from him. I begged him to forgive me. I gave him reason why did I hid something shameful. I even told him that it’s in islam to not disclose sins openly especially when one has left everything.
Please guide us in this regard. I feel I will go astray again. He was the one who made me better person. I wanted to marry him. I am not a woman who go after money and status. I wanted someone who fear Allah and we planned to lead a clean life.
I want to marry him although he didn’t trust my reason for hiding sins. Please guide us, what islam says in such cases? A man should marry and forgive what happened in past since they both repent already?
Wa’alaykum as Salam wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuhu,
No person is perfect. In a narration of Sunan at-Tirmidhi it is related that the Prophet (Sallallahu alayhi wa sallam) said,
“كل بنى آدم خطاء ، وخير الخطائين التوابون”
“Every human is a sinner, and the best of sinners are thise who repent.” (Tirmidhi)
We pray that Allah Ta’ala has accepted your repentance.
Sister, whilst I sympathize with you and make Dua for you, I wish to offer you my honest and sincere advice. Please do read my advice carefully and ponder over it. Do not be emotional.
You may be aware that Islam prohibits a boyfriend and girlfriend relationship. There are many negative factors in it; some of which you are presently experiencing. Had you followed the path of Deen and abstained from such a relationship, you would not have hurt yourself. You are now suffering the consequences of the un-Islamic relationship. Since you are a single mom, please guard yourself against the hungry men waiting to fulfill their sexual appetites through promises and enticements.
It is the system of Allah that when a person sins, he enjoys for a little while, but then regrets later. Someone aptly likened it to a credit card; where you enjoy now but have to pay later.
It is the whispers (Wasaawis) of the devil that you can only practise Deen if you return back to that man. Your entire relationship with him was incorrect. One can never get closer to Allah whilst engaged in Haram.
As for your question, even though you made Tawba, that does not make it incumbent on your ex-finace to marry you. He still has an independent choice.
You are correct in stating that we should not reveal our sins. But now he has learnt about the past, and he is at liberty to choose how to proceed from here.
Moving forward, you need to cut off all ties with this man, and any other non Mahram male. There is no barakah in any discussion you try to have with him directly. If anyone is really interested in your, they should approach th
Alhamdulillah, you are making Tawbah and Istigfar. This clearly means that you are making a promise to Allah Ta’ala that you will give up the sin you perpetrated and that you will never commit them again.
Secondly, control your emotions. Think about it: you might force him to marry you. Even if he agrees, he will always have flashbacks of your previous errors (even though Allah has forgiven them). How will he then remain commited to the relationship?
Continuously make Dua and implore Allah to bless you with a spouse who is good for your Deen and Dunya. You might think that it is only this person who can cause you to remain firm on Deen. Obviously, that is not the case. Through the Barakah of Dua and Sabr (patience), Allah will bless you with who is best for you.
Sister, Allah Ta’ala has granted you a very high status as a Muslim woman. You are a jewel who needs to be treasured, loved and admired by only that man who will be given to you in nikah. Allah Ta’ala is most Merciful and most Forgiving. He will not punish you nor abandon you if you turn sincerely to Him and give up that which is not acceptable for you as a Muslimah.
Cover yourself as Allah Ta’ala has commanded you to. Spend more time reading the Quran with understanding, make zikr constantly and perform tahajjud salaah every night. Involve yourself in activities, deeds and practices that will earn you Allah Ta’ala’s pleasure instead of his wrath and anger.
Give up those deeds and actions which will reduce you to being a helpless slave of shaitaan Always remember that you are the Creation of Allah Ta’ala and only the man He has destined for you as a husband will be the right one for you. Although you may feel unhappy now since the man’s family rejects you, remember that it may be what Allah Ta’ala wants for you.
May Allah Ta’ala guide you to treasure yourself and honour yourself as you should truly be honoured and treasured. May you also be granted what is good for your imaan and your aagirah and may you be protected from what is harmful for you and your imaan. Ameen.
And Allaah Ta’aala knows best
Ismail Moosa (Mufti)