Answered by: Maulana Burhaan Rahman
I have left my marital home with my husband due to a lot of interference from his family who never accepted me as his wife we did have our own house and lived separate however the environment was not good for me mentally and was causing me a lot of harm mentally and physically and I decided to leave after no support from him or solutions and I understand this was also hard on him.
I am currently living alone with my son from my previous marriage and work and financially providing for myself and my son which is a struggle while he’s staying at his house. After reconciliation, we decided that I will continue on my own and need a break after so much toxicity and this will help me recover inshallah. However, being in different towns can be difficult and this is temporary until we decide what to do.
He is ok with me being alone but won’t help financially even though I had a valid reason to leave due to his family and baggage which caused my breakdown. Even when we were married I paid most of the bills. My dilemma is now that we are working on our marriage and we both want it to work but living separately of my own choice I am not sure what our responsibilities are now?
From an Islamic point should he help me financially? Do I have to still be intimate with him when he wants? I find this really confusing from an Islamic point of view any suggestions Inshaa Allah would be so helpful.
So much has happened and I would have never left but I felt I had to choose between my health or continue living in constant misery due to his family and baggage prior to this marriage I was living a good life and now I am trying to get on with life and work on my marriage.
In the name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful
One of the most important rights that a wife has is that her husband spends on her, which is deemed to be a great good action that he can do which will bring him closer to Allah.
his spending covers the:
⦁ Housing (bills, resources for home etc.),
⦁ The wife’s needs for her sustenance/good health.
There are various Hadeeths where it shows that the husband has a duty to finance the wife.
Our beloved Prophet (SAW) has mentioned:
فَاتَّقُوا اللَّهَ فِي النِّسَاءِ فَإِنَّكُمْ أَخَذْتُمُوهُنَّ بِأَمَانِ اللَّهِ… وَلَهُنَّ عَلَيْكُمْ رِزْقُهُنَّ وَكِسْوَتُهُنَّ بِالْمَعْرُوف
“Fear Allah regarding women…verily, you have taken them as a trust from Allah. Their rights over you are that you provide for them and clothe them in a reasonable manner.” [Muslim Hadeeth no: 1218]
So it is obligatory for the husband to spend on the wife’s necessities and more
It mentions in Al Binayah
حق النفقات: وهو حق للزوجة على الزوج، فعليه أن يطعمها ويكسوها بالمعروف
حق النساء في النفقة من الحقوق الواجبة واللازمة، ولذلك ثبت في الحديث الصحيح عن النبي صلى الله عليه وسلم أنه اشتكت له هند فقالت
“يا رسول الله! إن أبا سفيان رجل شحيح مسيك، أفآخذ من ماله لولدي؟” فقال “خذي من ماله ما يكفيكِ وولدك بالمعروف”.
It is the right of the wife to be spent on by the husband, to feed her and clothe her. The right of the woman in terms of spending (from the husband) is obligatory and it’s a necessity. That’s the reason why it is mentioned in an authentic narration when hind (RA) complained to the prophet, “oh messenger of Allah, my husband (Abu Sufyan) is being stingy (with wealth), can I take money from him for my son?” the messenger (SAW) replied, “take however much money you need for yourself and for your son”. [Al Binayah vol 2 page 40]
So the husband must be spending for the wife/children/household etc. and it is a sin if he withholds for no reason.
The husband has the right to accept who comes in and out of the house.
Our beloved prophet (SAW) has mentioned in another Hadeeth:
“أَلاَ وَاسْتَوْصُوا بِالنِّسَاءِ خَيْرًا فَإِنَّمَا هُنَّ عَوَانٌ عِنْدَكُمْ لَيْسَ تَمْلِكُونَ مِنْهُنَّ شَيْئًا غَيْرَ ذَلِكَ … أَلاَ إِنَّ لَكُمْ عَلَى نِسَائِكُمْ حَقًّا وَلِنِسَائِكُمْ عَلَيْكُمْ حَقًّا فَأَمَّا حَقُّكُمْ عَلَى نِسَائِكُمْ أَلاَّ يُوطِئْنَ فُرُشَكُمْ مَنْ تَكْرَهُونَ وَلاَ يَأْذَنَّ فِي بُيُوتِكُمْ لِمَنْ تَكْرَهُونَ أَلاَ وَحَقُّهُنَّ عَلَيْكُمْ أَنْ تُحْسِنُوا إِلَيْهِنَّ فِي كِسْوَتِهِنَّ وَطَعَامِهِنَّ “
“Take good care of women, for they are your prisoners and you have no rights over them beyond that…You have rights over your women and your women have rights over you. Your rights over your women are that they should not allow anyone to sit on your beds whom you dislike, or allow anyone to enter your houses who you dislike, and their rights over you are that you should clothe and feed them properly.” [Tirmidhi hadeeth no: 1163]
And with regards to the permission of sexual relations. It is not permissible for the woman to refuse to go to bed with her husband without a valid excuse such as menses, sickness or an obligation such as fasting, Hajj etc. If she does that then she has sinned.
Our beloved prophet (SAW) says:
إذا دعا الرجل زوجته لحاجته فَلْتَأتِهِ وإن كانت على التَّنُور
“If a man calls his wife to fulfil his desire, she should come to him even if she is busy with the oven.” [Bukhaari Hadeeth no: 2998]
This means, when a man calls his wife to fulfil his sexual desire, she should immediately respond to him, even if she is busy doing something that none but her can do, such as baking or cooking.
May Allah SWT keep everyone steadfast and fix our problems in all aspects of our life. Ameen
Only Allah knows best.
Written by Maulana Burhaan Rahman
Checked and approved by Mufti Mohammed Tosir Miah
Darul Ifta Birmingham