Q: My husband and I are going to be married for several years this year Insha Allah. However he completely lacks any kind of affection or love or romance towards me. I have spoken to him about this so many times and I have told him how much it hurts me and I have asked him if there is anything I can do to make it better but he just refuses to answer me and just ignores me. I feel like I cannot continue in this marriage as I am very unhappy most of the time because I feel he treats me badly and this causes us to fight everyday. Any advice would be appreciated.
A: Please try the following, if you haven’t already:
1) Marriage counselling together
2) Counselling by an Aalim or elderly person in the family or community
3) Ask husband to write down the things that he doesn’t like about you in the marriage or that causes him annoyance. If you write down the same things about him, it might urge him to do the same and also might prompt him to take the marriage seriously
4) If the above fails, call in both parents and have a meeting. Your problem is serious, so it is essential that you involve the parents of both spouses.
Both of you must speak openly about the problems in the marriage.
5) Ask a Moulana or Imam to approach him privately to discuss the matter
6) Encourage the husband to keep company with Ulema or pious, learned people in the community. Encourage him to go for spiritual reformation and upliftment. Urge him to attend a zhikr program if there is one like that taking place
After all the above fails, ask the husband to issue one talaaq only; when there is no compatibility in the marriage and the couple is unable to fulfil each other’s rights, the only recourse is divorce, as much as we don’t like it
And Allah Ta’ala knows best
Mufti Siraj Desai