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By refusing to have conjugal relations with my husband, does it mean I am divorced?

Answered as per Hanafi Fiqh by Askimam.org

I had my nikah done w my husband on …., 2013 The rukhshati was on end of…., our marriage was consummated on Sept 7, 2013. We had some marital issues durin the month of Sept and since I was upset i had refused to have marital issues w my husband since he would introduce me as his friend instead of as his wife to his coworkers. My husband claims that he spoke to an imam and since I refused sex to him it was considered the first khula.

We tried to work on our relationship throughout the month, but than in October I found out he had married another woman thru nikah/court, he said he married the other woman because I cannot bear kids. The following week I had told him i had become pregnant, he had pressured me into getting an abortion which I refused. I moved back home w my parents in Dec since I was afraid of his pressure of abortion and asked him to decide on which wife he wants to keep.

He claims the Imam told him that was a second khula I have been home at my parents house for 69 days now and I am 5 months pregant. My husband claims the Imam said the child is out of wedlock since i had refused sex a few times to my husband because i was upset. Now my husband says the baby is not his obligation and i am divorced. I had never spoken to an Imam or Judge askin for a khula even so how can this Imam claim that we were divorced back in sept and that our nikah was invalid afterwards?


In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.

As-salāmu ‘alaykum wa-rahmatullāhi wa-barakātuh.

Sister in Islam,

We are sorry to hear about the difficulties you are facing. May Allah Taala help you during these trying moments.

Your husband has misunderstood the term khula and the advice he is getting is also incorrect. Khula is the money/wealth that is paid by the wife to the husband to release her from the nikah in the situation where the wife doesn’t want to continue with the nikah [1]. There is also no first and second khula. When a khula is agreed upon one talaq-e-bain (irrevocable divorce) takes place. [2] By you refusing to have conjugal relationship due to personal reasons with your husband does not mean the child you are expecting is illegitimate, nor does it mean you are divorced from your husband.

And Allah Ta’āla Knows Best

Ismail Dawoodjee

Student Darul Iftaa

Checked and Approved by,
Mufti Ebrahim Desai.


[1] اذا تشاق الزوجان و خافا ان لا يقيما حدود الله فلا باس أن تفتدي نفسها منه بمال يخلعها به

[2] فاذا فعل وقع بالخلع تطليقة بائنة و لزمها المال  

This answer was collected from Askimam.org, which is operated under the supervision of Mufti Ebrahim Desai from South Africa.

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