I converted to Islām over a year ago. During my steps to converting, I was seeing a Muslim boy who helped me out very much. We have been hanging out with each for two years now, but never alone. I met his parents the evening before I converted and I went over to their house at least once a week since then. Of course, they were not aware of the relationship I had with their son.
Finally, he told his parents he intended on marrying me. Now his parents don’t even talk to me. His father said he does not want him to marry into a family that is not Muslim. His parents are lead to believe that I am unaware of his intentions. I really don’t want to come between him and his family but I love him very much. I am so torn about what the best thing to do is so I did Istikhārah. I had three dreams that night that were basically the same: it is our wedding day, and the wedding does not take place because of something silly.
And his parents are not present in any of the dreams except one. So I feel that if I do decide to stay with him and get married, his father will not support it. But his mother is supportive (behind his father’s back) by saying she wants him to be happy. She says she wants him to be happy and as long as I am religious and a good person that is all that matters. I feel that if I stay with him, his dad will not support us and this could destroy his family. Should I back off?
In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.
As-salāmu ‘alaykum wa-rahmatullāhi wa-barakātuh.
Alhamdullillāh, we are delighted to hear about your accepting Islām. We ask Allāh Taālā to grant you steadfastness.
Allāh Taālā has created life as a test. At times we are faced with pleasant situations and sometimes we go through difficult conditions. However, if we have the awareness of Allāh Taālā at all times and we firmly believe that Allāh controls all situations, then going through the apparently narrow roads of life will be easy.
You have stated that the boy’s parents are not informed of the relationship he has with you. Concealing such vital information will have a negative effect on your plans for marriage. In marriage issues, it is not safe to play “duck and dive”. The boy’s parents must have a complete overview of the situation in order to make an informed decision. Therefore we advise you to get the message across to his parents of your relationship with each other. This may be done personally or by contacting an influential personality from his family and ask him/her to clarify the situation to his parents.
Nevertheless, despite your final efforts if the father is stern in his denial, you should back down. This will be in the best interest of both of you. Marriage is a big step in life. It is making another person to be part of you. Your happiness and otherwise depends on the type of person you marry. Do not submit to a big step as marriage without satisfying yourself having made the correct decision.
And Allah Ta’āla Knows Best
Mawlana Abdul Azeem bin Abdur Rahman,
Student Darul Iftaa
Checked and Approved by,
Mufti Ebrahim Desai.