My question is about my parents. My mother dies in 2012 so is my eldest brother in 2011. He is very young , had two kids (age 5,9 years). My father lives with my other son with his family and my elder son’s family. His life is passing fine as far ad financial conditions are related but off course emotionally he is depressed most of the time. He is in pakistan and i am in usa with my husband and 4 kids. He visitS my once in year and always wants me to visit him atleast once in a year. I understand his feelings but i have to see my husband too. I know its expensive but he can afford to send all of us. Now he is planning to go Pakistan in summer but not ready to take us with him although he is ready to spend almost same amount of money to go somewhere else with all of us. It seems like he just don’t want me to go and meet my father in Pakistan. His mother died in 2003. We moved back from canada to Pakistan, just because his parents didn’t want to come. I forced him to go back as his parents were alone and his has his responsibilities for them. I had many issues when we were living joint family in Pakistan but who doesn’t have. As far as his dad concer, i always had good relationships. He used to love out place. Now my question is ; 1) Is it fair on his part to do all this? I don’t work (homemaker) so all money is from his work. 2) will i be responsible if my father is upset or depressed because of me. 3) what should i do
In the Name of Allaah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.
As-salaamu ‘alaykum wa-rahmatullaahi wa-barakaatuh.
Sister in Islaam,
We sympathize with you in your unfortunate predicament. May Allaah Ta’aala grant your mother Jannatul Firdaws. May He bless your father with a long life filled with ‘aafiyah and barakah.
In principle, it is the right of the wife upon her husband that he allows her to visit her parents at least once a week[1]. However, considering your situation, i.e. the distance, this might not be feasible. You will not responsible if your father is upset or depressed because of you. Inform your father regarding your situation and ask for his du’aas.
We advise you to discuss the matter with your husband. Perhaps, there may be other reasons for his refusal to take you to Pakistan. If you cannot come to a solution, you may consider speaking to an influential person in the family to intervene and speak to your husband.
And Allaah Ta’aala Knows Best.
Muajul I. Chowdhury
Student, Darul Iftaa
Astoria, New York, USA
Checked and Approved by,
Mufti Ebrahim Desai.
______
[1]1البحر الرائق شرح كنز الدقائق (4/ 212)
الصَّحِيحُ أَنَّهُ لَا يَمْنَعُهَا مِنْ الْخُرُوجِ إلَى الْوَالِدَيْنِ وَلَا يَمْنَعُهُمَا مِنْ الدُّخُولِ عَلَيْهَا فِي كُلِّ جُمُعَةٍ وَفِي غَيْرِهِمَا مِنْ الْمَحَارِمِ فِي كُلِّ سَنَةٍ وَإِنَّمَا يَمْنَعُهُمْ مِنْ
الْكَيْنُونَةِ عِنْدَهَا وَعَلَيْهِ الْفَتْوَى كَمَا فِي الْخَانِيَّةِ،
فتاوى قاضيخان (1/ 217)
امرأة لها أب زمن ليس له من يقوم عليه وزوجها يمنعها عن الخروج إليه وتعاهده كأن لها أن تعصي زوجها وتطيع الوالد مؤمناً كأن الوالد أو كافراً لأن
القيام بتعاهد الوالد فرض عليها فيقدم على حق الزوج
الفتاوى الهندية (1/ 557)
وقيل: لا يمنعها من الخروج إلى الوالدين في كل جمعة مرة، وعليه الفتوى كذا في غاية السروجي
الدر المختار (3/ 603)
وَقِيلَ لَا يَمْنَعُهَا مِنْ الْخُرُوجِ إلَى الْوَالِدَيْنِ وَلَا يَمْنَعُهُمْ مِنْ الدُّخُولِ عَلَيْهَا فِي كُلِّ جُمُعَةٍ
حاشية ابن عابدين (رد المحتار) (3/ 602)
وَعَنْ أَبِي يُوسُفَ فِي النَّوَادِرِ تَقْيِيدُ خُرُوجِهَا بِأَنْ لَا يَقْدِرَا عَلَى إتْيَانِهَا، فَإِنْ قَدَرَا لَا تَذْهَبُ وَهُوَ حَسَنٌ، وَقَدْ اخْتَارَ بَعْضُ الْمَشَايِخِ مَنْعَهَا مِنْ الْخُرُوجِ إلَيْهِمَا وَأَشَارَ إلَى نَقْلِهِ فِي
شَرْحِ الْمُخْتَارِ. وَالْحَقُّ الْأَخْذُ بِقَوْلِ أَبِي يُوسُفَ إذَا كَانَ الْأَبَوَانِ بِالصِّفَةِ الَّتِي ذَكَرْت، وَإِلَّا يَنْبَغِي أَنْ يَأْذَنَ لَهَا فِي زِيَارَتِهِمَا فِي الْحِينِ بَعْدَ الْحِينِ عَلَى قَدْرٍ مُتَعَارَفٍ، أَمَّا فِي
كُلِّ جُمُعَةٍ فَهُوَ بَعِيدٌ، فَإِنَّ فِي كَثْرَةِ الْخُرُوجِ فَتْحُ بَابِ الْفِتْنَةِ خُصُوصًا إذَا كَانَتْ شَابَّةً وَالزَّوْجُ مِنْ ذَوِي الْهَيْئَاتِ، بِخِلَافِ خُرُوجِ الْأَبَوَيْنِ فَإِنَّهُ أَيْسَرَ. اهـ.
وَهَذَا تَرْجِيحٌ مِنْهُ لِخِلَافِ مَا ذَكَرَ فِي الْبَحْرِ أَنَّهُ الصَّحِيحُ الْمُفْتَى بِهِ مِنْ أَنَّهَا تَخْرُجُ لِلْوَالِدَيْنِ فِي كُلِّ جُمُعَةٍ بِإِذْنِهِ وَبِدُونِهِ،