As Salam alikum,
Im being set up for an arranged marraige with a cousin. I am only 19. I just can’t seem to be able to say yes to the proposal. I think it is becasue my teen mind is still hoping for meeting someone I actually find a bit attractive. This cousin that is proposing has good qualities, but is much much older and I don’t find him attractive at all. Not more than a cousin brother. Is it wrong for me to soley base my reason on this. I fear I will not be able to have a future with kids. He will be 40 by the time I am 23 and I fear might get less attracted than already am. Am I being a fool to think I might have a chance to find someone since I am young? Or would it be wrong if I say yes, and my mind wonders even though I would never act upon it?
PLease give me some advice soon iA.
In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.
As-salāmu ‘alaykum wa-rahmatullāhi wa-barakātuh.
According to shariah, you have an independent right to choose your marriage partner. You will also consider the advises and counsel of your seniors in making an appropriate decision. We do not have insight on your personal circumstances. However, you are young. Your seniors have love for you and wish the best for you. They have experiences and insight of life and have arranged your cousin to marry you. You state he has good qualities, but you are not attracted to him. Attraction and good qualities are competing factors in considering a marriage partner. While attraction is a motivating factor in determining a marriage partner, it is not the only factor. If one has the fear of Allah and has good qualities, those qualities offer better security and comfort in life.
We advise you to discuss your concern with your seniors and also make istikarah and seek the guidance of Allah. Also continue making dua to Allah with Salah and zikr. Remember the following verse,
وعسى أن تكرهوا شيئا وهو خير لكم وعسى أن تحبوا شيئا وهو شر لكم والله يعلم وأنتم لا تعلمون(البقرة ٢١٦)
“Perhaps you may dislike something, and it is good for you, and perhaps you may like something which is not good for you” (Albaqara, 216)
And Allah Taala Knows Best
Mehrazur Rahman
Student Darul Iftaa
Brooklyn, NY, USA
Checked and Approved by,
Mufti Ebrahim Desai.