Slm I’m a 31 year old female and husband and 2 boys aged 6 and 8. I still live with my parents mainly because they have helped me and I have helped them through the years. I have a brother aged 38 who is on drugs I have struggled with this especially because I now have my own boys and I can only guide teach and try and be their support on their path in life insallah I hope that they don’t receive such a test but only Allah knows. My mommy and daddy is basically my responsibility and I don’t want to leave due to the fact that I need to provide for them as they have for me. My brother knows Islam very well and unfortunately through the years have lost his battle time and time again with all the test and keeps stealing then my mommy them throw him out and let him sleep in the bakkie and then he tableegh for a few months and then he comes in drugs again gets thrown out again and it goes on and on. I’m the youngest daughter of 7 children left and I want to purchase a home for my family but my condition to my mommy them was if I buy their hous that he can’t come in the house and live here I will give him food through the gate I cannot go through the ups and downs and fighting anymore I want peace and I want to take care of them but I will not provide siggarettes to my brother only food. I don’t know if my condition is wrong because I have boys and want to keep them away from that life so they can see it’s not a normal way to live it’s not the right way to live. My mommy told me straight that he is part of the package and she would want him to come live with them in the separate entrance when he comes right now again. I told them anything can happen what if they die and then I don’t want to sit with the responsibility of taking care of a grown man I don’t want to have to live with that responsibility so she told me when they gone he must go or she will ask my sister to put a place up for the 3 of them. I don’t want them to have to leave their house because of that and I don’t want to leave them here alone with a drug addicted son who comes and goes. That’s why I’m hesitant to buy a house other than this one. I asked them if they so worried about him why don’t they just leave the house to him I i am tired of this I want to break free but I also don’t want to leave my parents. I haven’t spoken to my husband yet about what my mommy and daddy told me but I am leaning more towards buying my own house and leaving them but it breaks my heart with worry my whole intention was to take care of them but not with a son that has never worked and is on drugs and get everything for free. he is so bellievable insallah hopefully h comes right but he has had 20 years of this struggle. Can you share your knowledge to help me make the right decision
Answer
Wa’alaykum as Salam wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuhu,
It is commendable to note that you are taking care of your parents. May Allah accept your efforts.
Ideally, it would have been best to be with your parents and also offer a correct upbringing to your kids. However, when this is not possible, you have to weigh the benefit of caring for your parents, against the harms that could come to your kids.
For a person to serve his/her parents, the person does not necessarily have to live with the parents. Since you are considering new premises, is it not an option to purchase a house close by? In that way, you can still visit your parents multiple times daily, without risking your kids going onto drugs?
If there is a need for your siblings to also add funds for a separate accommodation for your parents, then they should also contribute.
Drugs are too harmful and addictive to take a risk.
And Allaah Ta’aala knows best
Wassalaam,
Ismail Moosa (Mufti)