Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad
I fell astray in the last year as I spent time on, donated money, and subscribed to some Twitch channels that were not Islamic-friendly (for example, music, women with free hair, etc.). I deeply regret and feel remorse for this and for other actions that constitute sin jariyah (continuous sin).
Will Allah forgive me for making these mistakes if I have deep remorse and repent? I may not get my money back from these channels nor erase my words. I just want to stop feeling unhappy and so much guilt for my sins. I keep blaming myself and have a lot of anxiety from it.
Thank you for your question. May Allah reward you for deciding not to subscribe to these channels and for bettering yourself for the sake of Allah.
You absolutely must not despair because Allah Most High has told us, “Say: My servants who have wronged yourselves, never despair of God’s mercy. God forgives all sins: He is truly the Most Forgiving, the Most Merciful.” [Quran, 39:53]
The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) reinforced this point when he told us, “Allah, Blessed is He and Most High, said: ‘O son of Adam! Verily as long as you called upon Me and hoped in Me, I forgave you, despite whatever may have occurred from you, and I did not mind. O son of Adam! Were your sins to reach the clouds of the sky, then you sought forgiveness from Me, I would forgive you, and I would not mind. O son of Adam! If you came to Me with sins nearly as great as the earth, and then you met Me not associating anything with Me, I would come to you with forgiveness nearly as great as it.’” [Tirmidhi]
After having sought forgiveness for your sins, try focusing on gratitude. Make a gratitude journal and write in it every day what you are grateful for. When anxiety or worry creeps in, immediately make dhikr (remembrance of Allah) and do something beneficial. Study Islam to better understand it, and reduce your stress about your sins. Fulfill your duties to Allah as best as you can, and supplicate to him during special times, such as before dawn, and the last hour before Maghrib on Friday.
Please see these links for more details:
Being Balanced – Emotional and Mental Health- Shaykh Abdurrahim Reasat
How Do I Calm My Worries?
Amazing Supplications When Faced With Stress and Anxiety
I Feel Depressed From My Cycle of Sin and Repentance. What Should I Do?
How Does One Avoid Excessive Worry About One’s Sins?
Wipe It Out
And make this your mantra: The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace), said, “Have taqwa (fear) of Allah wherever you may be, and follow up a bad deed with a good deed which will wipe it out, and behave well towards the people.“ [Tirmidhi]
May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria for two years where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.