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How Can I Get Married When Islam Doesn’t Allow Free Mixing?

Answered as per Shafi'i Fiqh by Seekersguidance.org

Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad


I watched your lectures on marriage and how to find a spouse, and it was advised that one shouldn’t rely only on people but also look at themselves in their surroundings if there is anyone suitable. How is it possible when we have to abstain from engaging in activities that involve free mixing? And when some interaction is unavoidable, we should keep it straight to the point, leaving us no info on the person apart from the accidental glance. Is arranged marriage the only option?


Assalamu alaykum,

Thank you for your question. Where there is a will, there is a way. There are ways to find a spouse, and that way doesn’t have to be direct.


From the dawn of time, people have played the role of matchmakers. Friends, family, relatives, and colleagues have gotten involved to help people get married. Traditionally, one would not consider marrying anyone until they had a reference or consultation with someone who knew them. This is one of the best ways to approach marriage. Speak to a married friend or imam and ask Allah to facilitate a good marriage for you.

Gender interaction

One must stay within the limits of gender interaction when dealing with women, but when speaking to someone for marriage, one is allowed to look and sit and speak with a prospective bride under supervision. One should take these means that Allah has given one and make one’s decision while employing istikhara at the same time. Please see these tips, and may Allah bless you with a pious spouse and the best of this world and the next.


[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad

Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria, for two years, where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, tafseer, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her master’s in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan, where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She recently moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.

This answer was collected from Seekersguidance.org. It’s an online learning platform overseen by Sheikh Faraz Rabbani. All courses are free. They also have in-person classes in Canada.

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