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My husband won’t be intimate with me

Answered according to Shafi'i Fiqh by Seekersguidance.org

Question: My husband is not interested in a physical relationship with me despite having no medical condition. I have talked to him many times but to no avail. I’ve come to the point of frustration now. What does Islam say in such a situation? Generally, he’s a very religious man, offers his prayers and lots of dhikr.

Answer:

Assalamu alaykum,

Thank you for your question. I am sorry that you are going through this pain and frustration. This is truly a crime against you and is contrary to the purpose of marriage.

Please see this link to know your rights of intimacy:
https://seekersguidance.org/answers/general-counsel/what-advice-can-you-give-for-a-woman-whose-husband-does-not-want-to-be-intimate-with-her/

Please see these excellent links for your problems:
https://seekersguidance.org/answers/general-counsel/my-husband-and-i-barely-have-marital-intimacy-what-do-i-do/
https://seekersguidance.org/answers/general-counsel/value-companionship-husband-refuses-marital-intimacy/

Please try the steps mentioned in the links as well as these:

-Try dressing up for him every day, smelling nice, and wearing lingerie to bed; also, consider sleeping naked
-Try spending time cuddling with him or talking to him before bed after the children are asleep
-Work on the bond between you instead of talking about intercourse. Do fun things together, eat out together, pray together, exercise together, and work on building your relationship. When you are bonded, he won’t want to disappoint or hurt you.
-Communicate your feelings to him in a way that is not belittling, complaining, criticizing, or not validating his feelings. The approach is critical.

Turn to Allah

Turn to Allah for all of your problems and give charity, asking Allah to change his desires. Pray the Prayer of Need and make du`a, for the One who sent this problem is the very One that can take it away. Show patience and reliance.
Channel your pain into du`a and ask Allah to fill your heart with love of Him and worship of Him and dhikr of Him so that you become stronger to face this problem and don’t face fitna or temptation.

Most importantly, remember this prophetic hadith: “Wondrous are the ways of a believer for it is good in every affair of his, and this is not the case with anyone else except in the case of a believer. If he has an occasion to feel delighted, he thanks (God), thus there is a good for him in it, and if he gets into trouble and shows resignation (and endures it patiently), there is a good for him in it.“ [Muslim] May Allah rewards you for your patience and helps you through this.

[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad

Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria, for two years, where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, Tafseer, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Master’s in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan, where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She recently moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.

This answer was collected from Seekersguidance.org. It’s an online learning platform overseen by Sheikh Faraz Rabbani. All courses are free. They also have in-person classes in Canada.

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