Answered by Ustadh Tabraze Azam
Question: As salam alaikum
To what extent should I obey my mother?
I obey her in everything and she is happy with me. She does not however like me visiting my mother in law and gets angry when I do. I have tried to speak to my mum many times, except she gets angry and it is hard to speak.
Should I continue making visits to my in laws or not?
Answer:Wa alaikum assalam wa rahmatullah,
In general, you should continue doing the good (khayr) by maintaining relations with your wife’s family, for instance, but at the same time uphold a standard of excellence (ihsan) towards your mother, even if she gets upset.
The obligation with respect to parents is doing good to them (birr), as the Qur’an informs us, and not simply obeying them in an absolute manner. However, we strive (1) to uphold deep respect when dealing with them, particularly when they are speaking from a different social and cultural context, and (2) to allay their concerns with wisdom and in a positive manner. If need be, you can pray the Prayer of Need (salat al-hajah).
Consider taking the following free class: The Rights of Parents
And please also see: Obedience to Parents when they are being Difficult and: Obeying One’s Parents and Maintaining Ties of Kinship and: Do I have to Obey my Parents if they Order me To Leave Sunnah Acts? and: Can I Pursue a Career That Goes Against My Parents’ Wishes?
And Allah Most High alone knows best.
[Ustadh] Tabraze Azam
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Ustadh Tabraze Azam was born and raised in Ipswich, England, a quiet town close to the east coast of England. His journey for seeking sacred knowledge began when he privately memorized the entire Qur’an in his hometown at the age of 16. He also had his first experience in leading the tarawih (nightly-Ramadan) prayers at his local mosque. Year after year he would continue this unique return to reciting the entire Quran in one blessed month both in his homeland, the UK, and also in the blessed lands of Shaam, where he now lives, studies and teaches.