Answered by Ustadha Raidah Shah Idil
Question: I led someone on and lost interest in him. He got angry, upset, hurt, and depressed. I feel so horrible.
Can I just pray for him because confronting him will cause more issues? He knows my family so matters can get grave.
Answer: Assalamu alaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh,
I pray this finds you well. May Allah reward you for seeking clarity on your issue.
Confrontation
It is not always possible to ask forgiveness from someone we have hurt, especially over a sensitive issue such as yours. As confrontation with him is likely to cause more harm than benefit, then please do not seek him out. Rather, please give in charity with the intention of giving him the reward. Do this as much as you need to. Perform the Prayer of Need and ask Allah to help him forgive you. Trust that He is the Turner of Hearts.
Make constant istighfar, make dua for Allah to hide your sins, and ask Allah to bring khayr into your life and his.
Consequences
The Messenger of Allah (upon him be blessings and peace) advised, “Be mindful of Allah wherever you may be. Follow any bad deed with a good deed, and it will wipe it out. And deal with people through good character.” [Tirmidhi]
If he does tell your family, then be honest with them. Tell them that it was a mistake, that you’re sorry, and that you know better now. At the same time, please don’t torment yourself with fear that this will happen. Trust that Allah will not burden you more than you can bear. Repentance wipes your slate clean, so you are still a woman of honour.
Adolescence is a time of great emotional turbulence. I pray that Allah transforms your bad deeds into good deeds, and helps you learn from your mistakes.
Please refer to the following links:
A Reader On Gender Interaction
Wassalam,
Raidah
Checked & Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani