Answered by Ustadha Raidah Shah Idil
Question: Is it right to have sex with someone you love before marriage?
Can you please tell me how far looks or physical attraction is important in Islam ? What if I accept him and people criticise me, how should I respond ? Will it be wise to accept him for the sake of Allah, even if I am not attracted to his colour?
I pray this finds you well. No, it is not right to have pre-marital sex under any circumstance, no matter how much you love someone.
Everything in the Shari’ah which is forbidden is bad for us, and anything which is encouraged is good for us, in both this world and the next.
The Shari’ah has been ordained to protect five things:
Sex before marriage runs contrary to religion and jeopardises one’s lineage/honour.
If two believers love each other and wish to make halal their relationship, then they must marry.Temporary marriages are impermissible. However, as is common when emotions run high, if two people discover after marriage that they are incompatible and cannot resolve their differences, then divorce is a permissible last resort. It is better to marry and divorce than it is to engage in unlawful premarital sex.
It is difficult to see through the haze of love, lust or infatuation, which is why Allah commands us all to stay away from zina.
“Do not even go close to fornication. It is indeed a shameful act, and an evil way to follow.” [Qur’an, 17:32]
So much damage can occur after just one unlawful act of premarital sex e.g. Unwanted pregnancies, sexually transmitted diseases, heartbreak, guilt etc.
Repeated sin hardens the heart.
Contrary to what we see in popular media, abortion of an unwanted fetus is not permissible in Islam.
It should be remarked here that pregnancy due to unlawful and illegal sex is no reason and excuse for abortion. The embryonic life farm in the mother’s womb is honoured and sacred even though it is a result of adultery (Hidaya, 2/292).
The only guaranteed form of birth control is abstinence.
Please reflect upon what I have shared with you. It is not easy being a young person struggling with strong sexual urges, while living in a heavily sexualised world. Islam’s solution is abstinence until marriage. Within marriage, sex is a praiseworthy act of worship, and a beautiful means to bring children into this world.
Remember that Allah Most High loves you, and His laws are there to protect your life in this dunya and your standing in the next world. Please pray the Prayer of Guidance to help you decide between ending your relationship or making it halal through marriage. Please seek counsel from a trustworthy and compassionate local scholar.
I pray that Allah grants you both the strength to do what is best for your souls. Remember that whatever you give up for His sake will be replaced by something far, far, better, inshaAllah.
Raidah Shah Idil
Checked & Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani