IslamQA

Explicit text messages from my fiancé.

Answered according to Hanafi Fiqh by DarulIftaBirmingham

Still I don’t know how to explain and my fiancé about her haram actions. She don’t accept her actions to be haram, (dirty and sexual sms)
I have done its once, then I told her to repent and never behave like that again, but she said that this was not haram etc. many excuses and she always interrupt when I was trying to explain for her.
I even told her that if my mom should find out your actions then she would be very disappointed and sad.
Should I tell her mom in private instead, because if this get open in front of everyone, then I’m afraid for danger (Pakistani culture) she will suffer very much for it, and I don’t want that.

How should I explain for her? Because I want give her a chance but on 1 condition, if she accept her own mistake and repent.

Any suggestion?
Why am I so extremely serious about this is that I believe in girls shyness, for me it was a shock when she wrote things like that. My self don’t like to show intimate love trough conversation or text.

Answer:

In the name of Allah, the most Beneficent, the most Merciful.

There are two issues which needs to be discussed from the aforementioned question.

  1. Interaction with your fiancé.
  2. The immodest text messages.

Firstly, an engagement is a promise between two prospective spouses or their families of marriage. The purpose of engagements is a confirmation to marry. At that stage, the boy and girl are still strangers to one another in that they cannot communicate with one another. Only if there is a need or necessity they can communicate with each other. It will be ideal even in that situation to communicate via a text message than by phone.

There are many ahadiths on the prohibition of men and women intermingling. Saaiduna Jarir Bin Abdullah raḍyAllāhu 'anhu (may Allāh be pleased with him) narrates that I asked the Prophet of Allah ṣallallāhu 'alayhi wa sallam (peace and blessings of Allāh be upon him) about the sudden glance (that is cast) on the face (of a non-Mahram). He commanded me that I should turn away my eyes. (Sahih Muslim)

Saaiduna Uqba Bin Amir raḍyAllāhu 'anhu (may Allāh be pleased with him) narrates that the Prophet of Allah ṣallallāhu 'alayhi wa sallam (peace and blessings of Allāh be upon him) said, “Beware of entering upon the ladies.” A man from the Ansar said, “Allah’s Apostle! What about the in-laws of the wife?” The Prophet replied, “The in-laws of the wife are death itself.” (Sahih Bukhari)

Secondly, as you are strangers at this moment in time your wife should be careful not to send any immodest and immoral text messages to you.

Saaiduna Ibn Umar raḍyAllāhu 'anhu (may Allāh be pleased with him) narrates that the Prophet of Allah ṣallallāhu 'alayhi wa sallam (peace and blessings of Allāh be upon him) passed by a man of the Ansar who was admonishing his brother regarding shyness. The Prophet of Allah Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam said, “Leave him alone, for modesty is a part of Iman.” (Sahih Bukhari and Sahih Muslim)

The conclusion to your question is that you should refrain from communicating with your fiancé until you get married. If there is some kind of need or necessity then you can contact each other, but it is best that it is either done through a third party or through email or text. And finally, advise your wife through the aforementioned ways not to send explicit text messages as this is against modest and shyness which is an important aspect of Iman.

Only Allah Knows Best

Mohammed Tosir Miah

Darul Ifta Birmingham.

This answer was collected from DarulIftaBirmingham.co.uk, which is run under the supervision of Mufti Mohammed Tosir Miah from the United Kingdom.

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