Answered by: Alimah Safiyya-Maryam Ahmed
What should I do if my mother forces me to attend the mehndi function? Mehndi is a mixed gathering event with songs and some dance which can be avoided by going out of the hall when it takes place or lowering the gaze. She is a practising Muslim Alhamdulillah but she is upset and had tears in her eyes due to me rejecting to attend my cousin’s mehndi and I feel she will be annoyed with me for not attending the party.
In the name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful
Being good to parents and obeying them is of the key teachings of our religion however nobody can be obeyed if it results in disobeying Allah Ta’ala. The Prophet [sallAllahu alaihi wa sallam] said, “There is no obedience to the creation when it comes to disobeying the Creator.” If our parents tell us to do something haram we must explain our rationale to them with utmost love and respect but we are not allowed to obey them. It would be a good idea to sit down and explain your reasoning to your mother who will see your desire to please Allah Azzawajjal and your wish to see your cousin starting their married life without engaging in sinful activities such as singing and dancing in mixed gatherings. In turn, your compassionate and wise dawah may be conveyed to your cousins who may reconsider or repent.
If however, you feel that not attending will cause a lot of grief to your mother and result in ties of kinship being severed between your family and your cousin’s family then it may be possible for you to attend and try to avoid the areas of sin, for example attending for a short time only to express your attendance and duaas, and like you mentioned lowering the gaze and leaving the room when dancing etc. takes place.
Only Allah knows best
Written by Alimah Safiyya-Maryam Ahmed
Checked and approved by Mufti Mohammed Tosir Miah
Darul Ifta Birmingham
وعن النواس بن سمعان قال : قال رسول الله – صلى الله عليه وسلم – لا طاعة لمخلوق في معصية الخالق . رواه في شرح السنة (مشكوة المصابيح, كتاب الامارة والقضاء, صفحة ٢٤٠٨, المكتبة الإسلامية)