Answered by: Maulana Mohammed Kamran Abid
I am a convert already for 16 years. I have a problem. I have ADHD, OCD and probably a personality disorder where I am trying to not make any mistakes. I am getting treated for this professionally.
For 6 years I am in doubt if I made mistakes concerning my marriage. I am happily married and I really do not want a divorce. I also never said to my wife that i want to divorce and also never joked with it. But I am scared that I accidentally said the word talaq with my mouth randomly and for many days(sometimes up to 10 hours a day) I tested with my mouth if I said talaq to check(my OCD). I also replay scenarios in my head over and over to check if I maybe made a divorce. I also sometimes thought about suicide. I do not want a divorce. But always I think what if I made mistakes. And I am also very anxious about this. For 6 years every day, I am busy in my head with this. And I really can’t ignore it. I am super anxious.
One day I also thought I can give my talaq right away so that I am not responsible anymore. So out of impulsivity and not thinking about the consequences I one day said to my friends “I give you all my rights of talaq and I do not want them back”. I really thought this could safeguard me. So if I would then accidentally make a tongue twist and if my mouth would say talaq without my will then I would be safe. At least this is what I thought. It was a flight panic mode response. I am over-occupied with this. But my friends never said they accepted the rights. One friend even started joking by saying (i guess multiple times) you are divorced. But I do not want to divorce. I am very scared. I really do not want a divorce. As I think now then I would never give the rights away. I didn’t even think that time that if I give it away then someone else can divorce you. So stupid that I couldn’t make it up then! I just want to keep my marriage safe. But my head is kept on attacking me. Please advise.
Last time I have sent u a question. That I have OCD, ADHD and regarding the talaq tafweed. Please ignore the question. I am too anxious. I can’t stop thinking about this. These problems are mental torturing me. Islam is simple but for me, I make it a hell. 6 years it hurts me that I may be made mistakes with divorce. But I never wanted a divorce, If I would really want a divorce then I would clearly say it. But I don’t know what to do, the tafweed I thought it was my way out. I thought I could really get rid of the rights and cannot make accidentally any mistake. My friends said they never accepted the rights. But ah I don’t know what to do.
I just want to live my Islam and be married. But my head makes me crazy. As I watch now back, I would never give the rights to anyone, but at that moment It was just a flight response mode.. 6 years every day I am struggling with this issue. If I read an Islamic book I immediately connect it with this issue. Almost every concept in Islam I connect it with this issue. I am really getting fed up now. How does Islam deal with this kind of issue. It won’t go out of my head and it makes me too anxious. I know I am married and I know what I would do if I wanted a divorce. And I also NEVER made any jokes. man, it’s killing me inside.
In The Name Of Allah, The Most-Merciful, The Most Kind
Talaq is a serious matter that should not be joked around with or played around with. It is clear that your mental state is unstable. As you mentioned that you have OCD, and ADHD, and are getting medical help for this condition. It will definitely help you to know that the talaq of an OCD patient and a mentally unstable person does not occur and is not valid. Mental instability in Shariah is defined as when a person loses their intellect so much as that they don’t know what is what. (Radd al-Muhtar, volume 3, page 181, Maktaba Rashidiyya)
So long as you are medically deemed as an OCD patient your talaq will not be valid.
For more information on the talaq of an OCD patient see the link below.
Only Allah knows best
Written by Maulana Mohammed Kamran Abid
Checked and approved by Mufti Mohammed Tosir Miah
Darul Ifta Birmingham