Answered by Ustaadha Bint Salih
Question:
AoA, my husband often threatens me of divorce and orders me to leave the house. Today my husband quarrelled with me and told me in anger that “you are divorced if you go out of this gate”(home gate).
After half an hour he repeated the same words. After an hour I told him that I’ll be divorced as I am going out and he said that I meant to say that you are divorced if you go to any place that annoys me.
Please guide me. I am a working woman.If I go out the same day or the next day am I divorced? And is it equal to 3 divorces? (My husband and Iare having mutual problems since the start of our marriage, he dislikes almost everywhere that I go and never seems to be pleased with me. We have been married for 12 years and have 3 children).
Answer:
If one connected the divorce to the occurring of a condition, divorce will occur when the condition takes place. And the oath (i.e. the connecting of the divorce) will come to an end, because when the condition takes place, the connection of the divorce no longer remains. (Hidayah p.385 v.2)
The initial statement your husband made would have taken effect and you would have been divorced if you left the gate. However as you did not leave, then talaq will not occur.
The second statement your husband made will take effect if you go to any place which annoys your husband. This applies to any such place he is unhappy for you to go to, be it work or anywhere else. If you do go, it will classify as one talaq.
Talaq can be revoked if your husband decides to take you back through rujuu.
The jurists have listed two ways of effecting rujuu, one by speech and the other by action. It is more praiseworthy to make rujuu by speech rather than action.
(Raddul Muhtar p.24 V.5)
To effect a rujuu by speech the husband can say, “I have taken you back”, or “I have retained you”. Rujuu will be effected whether the wife is in front of him or not, however where the wife is not present it is best to have two.
(Raddul Muhtar p.25 V.5)
The jurists have placed the condition of there being lust and desire on the part of either the husband or wife if rujuu is initiated by action. If there is no desire then rujuu is not affected. Therefore, to touch the wife, have intercourse with her, to kiss her including her face, forehead and lips and also to touch her with or without an intervening cloth where the heat of the body is felt with desire, will effect rujuu.
(Ibid)
With regards to your disagreements with your husband, you should try and sit him down and speak about your differences. If he dislikes you going out you should limit going and try and come to terms with him about places you must go to out of necessity. You must understand that Islam has laid great stress on respecting and pleasing the husband as can be understood from the following hadith:
Abu Hurairah narrated that The Prophet said:
“If I were to order anyone to prostrate to anyone, then I would order the wife to prostrate to her husband.”
(Jami Tirmidhi, Hadith 1159).
Only Allah knows best.
Ustaadha Bint Salih.
Darul Ifta Birmingham
Checked and Approved by Mufti Mohammed Tosir Miah