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How can I advise my wife to handle her issues with my sister-in-law without committing gheebat?

1. If my wife’s home is not in the same city as we live in andt is about a night’s journey from where we live,then how often should I take her to visit her parents.What are her rights in this regard? 2. We stay in a joint family.My wife cant get along with one of my sister-in-law.According to my wife, my sis-in-law is always bossing over her and trying to keep my wife under her control. Due to this my wife doesnt like her and every time I come back home she starts saying how the sis-in-law had behaved with her that day. As far as sis-in-law’s attitude is concerned she does have a dominating nature and wants other people to follow her wishes.She has a short temper and if anything goes against her,temper is visible on her face. So with all this background I would like to ask you i. If my wife says bad about my sister-in;law behind her back, does it constitute gheebat (backbiting) considering that she doesn’t say this to anyone else. ii. In anyways how do I advise my wife in this issue?

Answer:

(Fatwa: 795/276/TL=1432)

Husband should have at least one intercourse with wife within four months; thus husband is required to meet his wife at least once in four months. You are free to meet her more than one time; you can meet her as many times as you wish as per your convenience.
(2) If she is describing the cruelties committed against her without exaggeration, it will not be called ghibat (backbiting):
وتباح عند الشكوى من الظالم لمن له قدرة على إنصافه (الطحطاوی علی مراقی الفلاح، ص 46)
(3) At such occasions, you should instruct your wife to observe patience and forbearance. Also, tell her that she is elder than her; she should not feel bad if her sister in law treats her differently. The hadith asks us to have good conduct even with one who treats us badly.

Allah (Subhana Wa Ta’ala) knows Best

Darul Ifta,
Darul Uloom Deoband

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This answer was collected from the official ifta website of Darul Uloom Deoband in India.

Tags: backbiting, four months, Hadith, Intercourse, journey, parents, sister in law, Wife

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