Dear Imam It is my husbands tradition (albania) that men and woman shake hands when greeting each other, I find this very uncomfortable as my upbring was very different and we never shaked hands with men in the family or elsewhere. My husband expects me to do this when greeting his family, I know at the back of my mind it’s haram, this has caused arguments between myself and husband, I have explain my reasons to him but he finds me rude and being disrespectful towards his family especially his brothers. Please can you advise?
As this is causing problems in my marriage and I can’t make him see sense of this all. Also I told my husband I wish to start wearing the hijab and cover my hair and again he disapproves of it and has threaten me not to attempt wearing one or else I would regret it? I can’t see why it’s a problem for him, considering we are both Muslims and I’m scared he might leave me? What do I do?
In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.
As-salāmu ‘alaykum wa-rahmatullāhi wa-barakātuh.
Sister-in-Islam,
We acknowledge you are facing a challenging situation. According to Shari’ah, it is haraam (prohibited and unlawful) to freely interact with non-mahrams (people who are lawful to marry) of the opposite gender. Consequently, you cannot even shake hands with your own brother-in-law. It is also compulsory for you to observe the laws of hijab and cover your hair.
Sister, we also wish to advise you that a principle issue must be distinguished from a practical issue. In situations where ignorance of Shari’ah is common, such as Albania, etc. people may not appreciate a principle issue. The principles of Shari’ah are beyond the comprehension of such people. In order to make such people practice and appreciate the principles of Shari’ah, we should first win their confidence and use the opportunity to cultivate their hearts to accept the principles of Shari’ah. A person does not sew seeds in hard land without tilting the soil and softening it. Bread cannot be baked in a cold oven.
In order to entice people towards Deen, have a practical approach before adopting a principle approach. In doing so, one has to apply wisdom and intelligence. Failure to do so will lead to reverse and negative consequences in spite of one’s intention to practice upon Deen.
In the inquired situation, we understand you discussed the issue with your husband numerous times. You also faced many arguments on the topic of shaking hands with the opposite gender. It was clear that your husband would not accept the concept of hijab as that is secondary to shaking hands with the opposite gender.
Accordingly, obtain appropriate Islamic literature on hijab etc. and keep it around him. If the effort of tabligh jamaat is active in your area, encourage your husband to join the effort. The environment of tabligh could have a positive impact on him to practice on Shari’ah.
Apart from the above, it may also be helpful to conduct a daily five-minute reading session of some Islamic book; e.g. one or two Hadith a day before the meal. Persuade him to attend weekly or monthly Islamic seminars if possible. All of these methods could help cultivate his heart into understanding the importance of practicing upon Shari’ah. Abstain from doing anything that may lead to a break-up in marriage.
And Allah Ta’āla Knows Best
AbdulMannan Nizami
Student Darul Iftaa
Chicago, IL, USA
Checked and Approved by,
Mufti Ebrahim Desai.