Asslam alaikum….
This question regards my parents who have had problems in their marriage since the start. My father has a second wife and has children with her, and that is one cause for their rift. My father has not come home to my mom’s house for 2 years now due to a major argument. Does this affect the validation of their nikkah?
The argument was over keeping it equal between the two wives and children but he seems to always be taking other family out and ignoring us. And also let me just tell you that my mom has gotten very emotional and gets angry very easy, especially since my father left. She sees the bad in everyone and argues with everyone. When we tell her to call back my dad respectfully, she “explodes” on us and tells us not to keep contact with him.
However my father is not always right either but he never tells us to break any ties. Don’t know how to handle the situation because I want to respect my parents and don’t want to hurt them. I must admit I have more contact with my mother so I get scared to contact my father. Please suggest something about their nikkah and how a daughter should respectfully talk to parents about this.
Thank You
In the name of Allāh, Most Gracious, Most Merciful
Assalāmu ῾alaykum wa Rahmatullāhi Wabarakātuh
There are three issues to your query
- Your parents nikah
- Your relationship
- Contact with your father
According to Shariah, if your father has not officially issued a divorce to your mother, they are regarded as husband and wife. We are aware of the challenges that face you as a child in relationship as this and our advice is that you do not come in between your mother and father. It is your duty to respect both and afford each parent his/her right. By siding anyone this will jeopardize your relationship with the other thereby making your life torn between two loyalties. Instead of directly becoming involved in this issue, you may request some seniors of the family to intervene and seek an amicable resolve to your parent’s issues.
Your mother’s reaction is normal. You should understand the difficulty she is experiencing and try to help and assist her wherever possible. Rather be a source of comfort for her than being a source of more hurt and pain. Since you are staying with your mother, you should take her in your confidence and let her pour her heart out to you. It is possible that she has none to express her inside feelings which are further aggravating her agony and pain. You should afford her that opportunity and lighten her pain and grief.
It is important that you keep in contact with your father. By you keeping contact with him, it will make him feel more comfortable and he will be at ease with regards to your wellbeing. However, you should never discuss the marital issues with him. Your communication with your father should not be disclosed to your mother as this will serve as a threat to her and she will gauge your relationship with her with skepticism and doubt. You should remain neutral in this matter and try to please both parents with wisdom and diplomacy.
You should turn your attention to Allah and beg him to resolve the issues and create a stable and harmonious relationship in the house. Without the help of Allah nothing can be achieved. Perform your Salaah, make Zikr and recite portion of the Quraan daily. This will generate spiritual strength within you to tolerate the difficult situation and will create the courage within you to make the correct crucial decisions that would be in the best interest of your future.
We make Dua Allah makes this time easy upon you and safeguard you from any evils that may flow from this situation.
And Allāh Ta῾āla Knows Best
Wassalāmu ῾alaykum
Muhammed Zakariyya Desai,
Assistant Mufti
Checked and Approved by:
Mufti Ebrahim Desai
Dārul Iftā, Madrasah In῾āmiyyah