Asalamwalekum wr wb mufti sahab ,
My parents got me married to a girl 6months back, and they are not ready to get me married before 2010 because of some reasons. I told them that this is wrong and islam dosent allow all this but they are not ready so I spoke to that girl about this and she was ready to do nikah without telling any1, so I got married to het after 20 days of my engagement. But now problem is that I get attracted towards her when I speak to her and meet her and we end up into kissing and all… and I cant control, and I cant even do intercourse because if she gets pregnant it would b more trouble, so in this case can she masturbate for me with her hand? And can I do that for her with mine… and after I get married when she has her periods and at that time if I get excited so in that case also can she masturbate for me?
Second thing is that I have come across some peple sho say there is no diff between the way of man and woman in praying so can u provide me the exact hadith which states the diff of the way man and women pray?
Third thing is that is this tableegi work rite I am into it I go for 3 days and do all work but still I just want to be sure about it
In the name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful
Assalaamu `alaykum waRahmatullahi Wabarakatuh
There are five aspects to your query
- Delay of Nikah
- Status of secret Nikah
- Intimate satisfaction
- Difference between men and woman Salaah
- Tablighi Jamaat
1. You state that you have been engaged and your parents intend making the official Nikah in 2010. According to Shariah when a suitable partner has been found it is encouraged for the Nikah to take place as soon as possible.
سنن الترمذى – (ج 4 / ص 365)
حَدَّثَنَا قُتَيْبَةُ حَدَّثَنَا عَبْدُ الْحَمِيدِ بْنُ سُلَيْمَانَ عَنِ ابْنِ عَجْلاَنَ عَنِ ابْنِ وَثِيمَةَ النَّصْرِىِّ عَنْ أَبِى هُرَيْرَةَ قَالَ قَالَ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ -صلى الله عليه وسلم- « إِذَا خَطَبَ إِلَيْكُمْ مَنْ تَرْضَوْنَ دِينَهُ وَخُلُقَهُ فَزَوِّجُوهُ إِلاَّ تَفْعَلُوا تَكُنْ فِتْنَةٌ فِى الأَرْضِ وَفَسَادٌ عَرِيضٌ ». قَالَ وَفِى الْبَابِ عَنْ أَبِى حَاتِمٍ الْمُزَنِىِّ وَعَائِشَةَ. قَالَ أَبُو عِيسَى حَدِيثُ أَبِى هُرَيْرَةَ قَدْ خُولِفَ عَبْدُ الْحَمِيدِ بْنُ سُلَيْمَانَ فِى هَذَا الْحَدِيثِ. فَرَوَاهُ اللَّيْثُ بْنُ سَعْدٍ عَنِ ابْنِ عَجْلاَنَ عَنْ عَبْدِ اللَّهِ بْنِ هُرْمُزَ عَنِ النَّبِىِّ -صلى الله عليه وسلم- مُرْسَلاً. قَالَ أَبُو عِيسَى قَالَ مُحَمَّدٌ وَحَدِيثُ اللَّيْثِ أَشْبَهُ. وَلَمْ يَعُدَّ حَدِيثَ عَبْدِ الْحَمِيدِ مَحْفُوظًا
In fact the evil effects of delaying the marriage have already been experienced by you. It is therefore important that you advise your parents of making the Nikah immediately rather than delaying it to 2010. It is our experience that the marriage is sometimes delayed due to elaborate preparations for the marriage ceremony. Nikah is a simple affair and there is no need for such elaborate preparations. You should also explain them your urgency to get married. Perhaps they are not aware of the urgrncy and therefore see no harm in delaying the Nikah.
- We commend you for your commitment in avoiding the sin of Zina by making the Nikah. If you have performed Nikah secretly and fulfilled the necessary Shar’ie requirements of Nikah, the Nikah will be valid. She will be regarded as your lawful wife and you will be regarded as her husband. The official Nikah in 2010 will just be for formality as the Nikah has already been made. Although you are regarded as husband and wife, it is unfortunate that you cannot lead a normal life as husband and wife. It is for this reason we strongly suggest that you approach your parents and alert them to the urgency of the matter. If need be you could also tell them of the secret marriage as that could illustrate your seriousness to the matter.
- Since you are regarded as lawful husband and wife, any form of permissible intimate relation will be lawful. It is permissible for the husband and wife to satisfy themselves as asked in the question.
حاشية رد المحتار – (ج 2 / ص 438)
وقال: فلم يبح الاستمتاع إلا بهما: أي بالزوجة والامة
حاشية رد المحتار – (ج 4 / ص 192)
وقدمنا عن المعراج في باب مفسدات الصوم: يجوز أن يستمني بيد زوجته أو خادمته، وانظر ما كتبناه هناك.
قوله: (ولا شئ عليه) أي من حد وتعزير، وكذا من إثم على ما قلناه.
- There are differences between the Salaah of men and woman. Hereunder are the differences:
4.1 Men raise their hands up to the ears when saying Takbeer e Tahrimah while woman raise their hands up to their shoulders.
4.2 When placing the hands after the Takbeer, men place them below the navel while woman place them on their chest.
4.3 While the hands are fastened during the Qiyaam, men grip the left hand with the right hand while woman simply place the right hand on the left hand.
4.4 In Ruku the men grasp the knee while woman place them lightly upon the knee.
4.5 Men straighten the backs in Ruku while woman bend slightly just to touch the knee.
4.6 The Sajdah of the men is raised while the Sajdah of woman is flat. A woman will crouch herself in Sajdah in such a manner that her entire body touches the ground.
4.7 When sitting in Q’aidah (sitting position after two or four Rakaats), men will sit on their feet while woman will place their buttocks on the ground.
- The work of Tabligh is a noble and great effort. You should continue taking part in this work and take guidance from the elders of your community who have spent their life in this great effort. If you would work with their Mashwara and guidance you will progress in the field and Allah will take a lot of work from you.
And Allah knows best
Wassalam u Alaikum
Muhammed Zakariyya Desai,
Checked and Approved by:
Mufti Ebrahim Desai
Darul Iftaa, Madrassah In’aamiyyah