Assalaa-mo-alaykoom Mufti Saab!
I have a dispute with my wife about my children not allowed at their grandparents house.
I have 2 boys age 4years and the youngest is 4 months. My parents live in their own house with my brother and his family. My wife has no issues with my parents but there is a dispute with the other family members (brothers wife and his kids). Because of this she is refusing to let me take my 2 sons to visit grandparents. Her argument is that she doesn’t want my kid’s to have anything to do with the other family members.
Can she stop me taking my older son. She is saying I should bring my parents to our house.
I would also like to point out that I do not stop my children visiting my mother in laws house. But my wife’s argument is that she doesn’t take the kids there and brings her mum to our home. That is her choice but the fact is I DO NOT stop her the way she is stopping me.
Not only that my wife is so over protective of my son that I have to ask permission if I can take him out for example to the park, friends or other family. And only if she agrees then I can otherwise it’s a no. Basically she has the last say. I want to have that bond with my son like any father would want to. I’m really looking forward to when he will reach the age to come with me at the masjid. She thinks I’m very careless and I feel that I’m being treated like a little child and it’s really frustrating.
Can you please advice us on this matter. Does my wife have that right. Don’t I have any rights. Or are there any circumstances at all where she can stop the children going?
Jz
You refer to two issues in your query.
(a) Dispute with the brother’s wife and his children.
(b) Your wife’s protective attitude towards your son.
You enquire about your rights in the above two situations. Disagreement between spouses are best resolved with wisdom and diplomacy. It may not be wise to focus on your rights to visit your parents’ home and take your child out. You know your wife better and you know when and how you could take her in in your confidence and address the issues.[1]
Tolerance and wisdom are the cornerstone of successfully addressing contentious and sensitive issues.
And Allah Ta’āla Knows Best
Muhammad IV Patel
Student Darul Iftaa
Lusaka, Zambia
Checked and Approved by,
Mufti Ebrahim Desai.
جامع أحكام الصغار، ج ١، ص ١٥٣، دار الفضيلة [1]
٣٤٤ – ليس لأحد الأبوين أن يمنع الآخر من تعاهد الولد:
وفيه – أيضا -: إذا كان الغلام والجارية عند الأم فليس لها أن تمنع الأب من تعاهدهما، وإن صار إلي الأب فليس له أن يمنع الأم من تعاهدهما والنظر إليهما.