Question
What is the ruling on a wife who doesn’t like to be ordered around by the husband or anyone in her family? Is she disobedient because she fails to obey her husband, or is it a minor sin due to pride? Or is it a major sin because it puts one’s faith in danger? Her behavior could be due to her not knowing about the mandate to obey her husband.
Answer
Assalamu alaykum,
Thank you for your question. It is sinful and unfortunate that she does not know about obeying her husband because she has stepped into a contract ignorantly. I pray that she can rectify this.
Obedience to the husband
A woman who does not want to obey her husband might fall into the category of rebellious (nashizah), and this is evident from the Qur’an itself. This is a dangerous category to be in, and you should follow the tips given in the link to help this lady. Please see the details here:
https://seekersguidance.org/answers/general-counsel/can-help-mother-despite-abusive-father/
Pride
Pride is a major sin in Islam and was the first sin ever committed by Iblis when he refused to obey Allah in prostrating to Adam. It is obligatory for Muslims to be aware of pride, treat themselves for it, and take precautions against its causes and effects. Please see and listen to the details here:
https://seekersguidance.org/answers/general-counsel/what-is-the-islamic-understanding-of-pride/
Advice
My general advice is that you advise this woman to step on her ego and prioritize what is important to her in life. If a woman doesn’t hold on to a good thing, she will lose it. She must take a course on Islamic Marriage and learn her obligations and rights. It’s never too late. Please see more information at the links below.
https://seekersguidance.org/answers/general-counsel/is-it-sinful-to-disobey-to-my-husband/
https://seekersguidance.org/answers/general-counsel/im-fearful-islam-causing-depression-can/
May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria, for two years, where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, Tafseer, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Master’s in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan, where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She recently moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.