Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad
I made a fake dating account of my potential bride and was overthinking about it, and worried that someone might have taken screenshots. Out of guilt, I ended up telling her about it, and she got all sad and upset.
To remove her from the worry, an imam suggested I cover it up again. I did that, and she believed me. After a few days, she says she’d forgive me even if I did it and believed everything I said. I am feeling guilty for lying to her but don’t want to uncover my filthy sins again, which Allah covered. I don’t want to have a marriage where there’s always guilt in my head, but telling her would risk making her upset again and reveal my filthy sins.
Thank you for your question. I am sorry that you are confused about this matter, and I suggest that you stop taking erratic action out of fear of people or desire to please people and only focus on pleasing Allah.
It is permissible for you to keep the truth to yourself, as you have already dug a hole of deceit for yourself, and it is not necessary to reveal your mistakes to others. You should repent for going back and forth between telling the truth and lying, as this is unbefitting for a believer. After you repent, don’t think about it again, and don’t let the devil get his way by making the guilt eat at you.
Apply this advice of the Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) to make you feel better: The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace), told us, “Have taqwa (fear) of Allah wherever you may be, and follow up a bad deed with a good deed which will wipe it out, and behave well towards the people.“ [Tirmidhi]
And he said, (Allah bless him and give him peace), “One who repents from sin is like someone without sin.” [Ibn Maja]
Making fake accounts, and spying on people only stems from not trusting and relying on one’s Creator. I recommend that you put your efforts and time into beseeching Allah for a good wife and preparing yourself for marriage by taking courses on Islamic knowledge, studying hard, and procuring a livelihood. Leave the rest up to Allah.
It says in the Reliance of the Traveller:
Earnestly Entreating Allah:
As for earnestly entreating Allah, in it lies the coming of increase, lifting of hardships, enwrapment in mantles of divine gifts, and safety from affliction. One is repaid for it in times of hardship by the Master’s undertaking one’s protection, and in times of ease by His seeing to one’s gain. It is the greatest threshold and straightest way. It is effectual despite unbelief, so how could it be ineffectual with faith? Have you not heard the words of Allah Most High:
“And when you are touched by affliction at sea, those to whom you pray besides Him are lost, but when He delivers you to shore, you turn away. Surely man is an ingrate.” [Quran, 17:67]
Meaning that He answers you. Earnest entreaty is the door Allah Most High has placed between Himself and His servants. Gifts come to whomever betakes himself to it, and spiritual favors unceasingly reach whoever stands before it. Whoever enters unto Him by it attains to the reality of divine assistance. And whenever He releases unto you through it, He bestows of every good thing in the most lavish gift giving, as is found in the Book of Allah Most High where Allah says, “If only they had earnestly entreated Us when Our vengeance reached them.” [Quran, 6:43]
May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria for two years where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.