Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad
I am a 28-year-old healthy, unmarried girl. I indulge in many sins. I masturbate and view illicit images on my phone, and my mind is in the gutter all the time. I do not see any possibility of marriage because my father has left home and my brother is 30 years old. He is also single and does not consider marriage.
Is it obligatory for me to get married on my own since I always stay home and I don’t see any no boys? I want to get a diploma in medical college, and I might end up with a boyfriend there because it is a coed college. What should I do? How can I be saved from sins? Should I spend the rest of my life at home?
Thank you for your question. I am sorry that you are going through the frustration and pain of sin, as it only makes you sink deeper and removes you further from your goals. However, I am certain that if you choose to pull yourself out, Allah has already begun helping you.
The very purposes of marriage are the fulfillment of one’s desire, companionship, and procreation. Although I recommend that you conquer these addictions first, a healthy marriage is the end goal. The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) made it very clear when he said this, and it applies to both genders: “O young men! You should marry, for indeed it helps in lowering the gaze and protecting the private parts. Whoever among you is not able to marry, then let him fast, for indeed fasting will diminish his sexual desire.” [Tirmidhi]
You are not alone when it comes to porn addiction and masturbation, and I urge you to read these resources and use this safe website for Muslims who want to break free of their sexual addictions. You must see a therapist, or counsellor, and to start with, you should stay away from your triggers and limit the time on your phone. Make yourself accountable, take small steps, seek Allah’s help, all the while with prayer and supplication.
A young woman like yourself should study and make something of herself, especially if you are still single. However, if you are quite certain that you will fall into a relationship while you are there, I recommend that you wait a year and work on the addiction first. Going abroad to study while you are unable to conquer your temptations, will be a distraction, a waste of money and effort, and you won’t be able to achieve as much or as well as you would otherwise. Please take yourself to task and don’t let the Shaytan win. Liberate yourself from these sins and re-discover joy, modesty, and peace of mind.
Finally and most importantly, make the Quran and repentance your best friend, and remember Allah’s words: “Say: My servants who have wronged yourselves, never despair of God’s mercy. God forgives all sins: He is truly the Most Forgiving, the Most Merciful.” [Quran, 39:53]
Please see these links as well:
Supplications for Stopping Masturbation
May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria for two years where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.