Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad
Question
I have been unsuccessful with marriage in London for five years using all the usual means.
Can you advise me on approaching a woman I find attractive in a public area to get her father’s number? This can be done with adab and taqwa. I would prefer an honorable introduction via the father, but many young Muslim women prefer to see a man a few times in public before approaching their father.
You would advise against seeking a woman’s own number, but if matters are kept honorable and dignified with a father’s general approval, this would seem acceptable based upon previous answers. Many women do have strong emotional bonds with their immigrant fathers.
Answer
Thank you for your question. I can see from your question that you have done your research and that you have an idea of the comportment required.
Cold Approach
If you find that you are able to get a friend’s wife or another female to approach her and get her father’s phone number, that would be easier. However, what you describe would be permissible if done with taqwa (fear of God) and adab (etiquette). The best way would be to call her father immediately, and plan to visit their home to get to know her. It would only take a few visits to learn the main things about her personality, and you could decide if you want to continue to get to know her with her father’s permission.
Prepare
As for being unsuccessful for five years, be patient and know that the right girl is out there for you, and by His grace, you will be joined with her in the timing that Allah deems best. Take a course in the meanwhile and prepare yourself well for marriage with knowledge of your obligations and rights. And choose for religion because the Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace), said, “A woman is married for four things: for her wealth, for her lineage, for her beauty or for her piety. Select the pious, may you be blessed!” [Bukhari; Muslim]
Course Suggestions:
40 Hadiths on Successful Marriage: Key Teachings of the Prophet on Beautiful, Loving, Caring Married Life
Marriage in Islam: Practical Guidance for Successful Marriage
Keys to Successful Muslim Marriages: Practical lessons that explain the Prophetic Spirit of Marriage
Answer Suggestions:
How Should I Approach a Prospective Spouse?
How Should I Approach a Potential Spouse?
May Allah grant you a pious spouse and give you the best of this world and the next.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani