Answered by Ustadha Raidah Shah Idil
Question: Assalam aleykum,
I have gotten to know a good man for marriage. My parents really like him. I have agreed to marry him. But why do I not feel content? I don’t know if I can be with him for the rest of my life.
Answer: Assalamualaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh,
I pray this finds you well. Please forgive me for the delay.
I encourage you and your fiancé to enrol in and complete this course: Marriage in Islam: Practical Guidance for Successful Marriages.
This course contains many gems, and I pray that it will help you attain tranquility about your decision.
Prayer of Guidance
Please perform the Prayer of Guidance up til 7 times about this person, and watch what Allah unfolds for you. For example, if He places many obstacles in your way, then this is a sign that marriage to this man is not good for you. On the other hand, if He makes it very easy, then that is a sign that marriage to this man is good for you.
From what you have described, it looks like Allah is facilitating your path towards marriage to this man. The only obstacle left is your anxiety. Please be assured that everyone gets nervous before a big life decision. This is why we pray istikhara, because Allah knows what we do not. Place your trust in Allah, and take it a step at a time. Fear and worry are weapons of Shaytan, so seek refuge in Allah from his deception.
I encourage you to worship Allah in the last third of the night, even if it is 5 or 10 minutes before the entry of fajr. This is truly a blessed time, and I pray that you find solace in reaching out to your Creator. Increase in your recitation and listening of the Qur’an, and make daily salawat and istighfar.
Within the guidelines of the Shari’ah, I encourage you to bring up your concerns with your fiancé. Is there something specific you are concerned about?
If you cannot think of a specific worry but you have an overall unshakeable anxiety, then perhaps it is worthwhile for you to speak to a culturally-sensitive counsellor. The first year of marriage is a big adjustment, even in the best of circumstances, and it would be wise for you to have supports in place beforehand.
I pray that Allah brings about whatever is best for your dunya and your akhirah, and makes you content with it.
[Ustadha] Raidah Shah Idil
Checked & Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Ustadha Raidah Shah Idil has spent almost two years in Amman, Jordan, where she learned Shafi’i’ fiqh, Arabic, Seerah, Aqeedah, Tasawwuf, Tafsir and Tajweed. She continues to study with her Teachers in Malaysia and online through SeekersHub Global. She graduated with a Psychology and English degree from University of New South Wales, was a volunteer hospital chaplain for 5 years and has completed a Diploma of Counselling from the Australian Institute of Professional Counsellors. She lives in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia, with her husband, daughter, and mother-in-law.