Question:
Assalamualaikum. What are my duties towards my parents? Can I refuse my parents to stay at my home as it causes too much problems.
DETAILS:
My parents r extremely rich but very stingy except when it comes to their only son. We r 3 daughters. My brothers kids get expensive gifts etc & our kids get cheap stuff or nothing. In the past I asked 4 help but my parents refuse saying they cant & that its their duty to only help their son (they can afford to help all of us). My brother neglects his duties to our parents & they expect us daughters & our husbands to fulfil my brothers duties. But my husband has refused to go out of his way as he has his own duties to his parents & I agree with him. He allows me to visit them & I can phone them anytime. We have helped my parents in the past but they r only concerned with their son and he reaps all the benefits & we get told we r girls and entitled to no help but must do all the work. What are my duties towards my parents in this circumstance? When my parents come to stay at my home it causes problems as they do not respect our home and often ruin our stuff( I have tried asking them to treat our home better but it was ignored & they got worse). my husband prefers them not staying over but has no issues with them visiting for a few hours. Can I refuse my parents to stay at my home?
Answer:
Your parents should treat all their children, i.e. sons and daughters equally with respect to giving gifts, living with them, etc. If your parents do not treat their daughters the same way as they treat their sons, then this is a grave error on their part. You should exercise patience on this and serve them and honour them. You will Insha-Allah reap great rewards for doing this.
If your husband takes offence to your parents staying over for the night then you can prevent them from doing so. If they ruin your husband’s household goods then he has the right to prevent them from entering his home too but practicing patience and tolerance in this regard is much better. (Ad-Durrul Mukhtaar, Vol. 2, Page 722)
And Allah Ta’ala knows best
Mufti Muhammad Ashraf
Darul Iftaa
Jameah Mahmoodiyah
Springs
27 December 2004
13 Thul Qa’dah 1425