Answered by: Maulana Mustafa Umar
I have this issue which happened last year, but it has been playing in my head ever since. Whilst my wife was fighting with me and moaning about my mum and sisters she was upstairs saying this and I was on the sofa downstairs she kept going on about them and in my head thoughts came up to say ‘that’s it I can’t take this anymore I want a divorce this was in my head’ this was in my thoughts and was not spoken out loud at this point. Then straight after this thought in my head while I was trying to ignore it, she stopped for a few seconds and then started saying stuff and I then immediately got up and said ‘that’s it’s so quick that’s all I said without thinking, but I don’t know if my intention was a divorce or to say am fed up with you moaning. I cant also remember if after saying ‘that’s it’ i said I have taken enough of this now meaning the moaning.
I remember saying about 1 minute after saying ‘that’s it ‘ saying I’m going to speak to my mum and dad, and they can speak to your mum and dad’ I may have been referring to divorce or about her moaning I really can’t remember.
Since then my head has been playing this scenario back to back trying to find out what my real intention was when I said the words above, I really can’t remember now as It happened last year.
I would say 90-95 percent may have been with the intention of divorce, but there is a doubt of 5 to 10 percent may be more that I did not and was just fed up with her moaning all the time as it happened so quickly.
I also get waswasa where the words divorce are most of the time just in my head even when I try to ignore them and I could be having a normal conversation with my wife and the words would just be in my head whilst speaking during a normal conversation as well as fighting. Like for example when I am praying the Quran and the word divorce comes up in the Quran am hesitant in praying the word as I may think it will mean a divorce. The word in surah Noor I said the word talaq I said 3 or 4 times whilst praying the Quran and then thought comes in my head to say divorce does it count as a divorce?
Please can you confirm the status of my marriage and if I am needed to do my nikah again and if I do what do I need to do? Do I give dowry again and how many witnesses do I need?
In the name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful
Judging from your description, you seem to overthink things excessively, and this is a type of waswasa which you should avoid.
As for your marriage, it is intact. Saying “that’s it” or “I will speak to your mum and dad” are not statements of divorce, neither explicit nor implicit. [Quduri 1:156] Furthermore, I am assuming that your wife did not understand them as words of divorce either. Therefore, this is only something in your mind. However, you must be careful in the future. If you use any words that imply a divorce, and you have the intention, the divorce will take place. I suggest you visit a local scholar who is specialized in counseling and he can help guide you on how to prevent these issues in the future.
Only Allah knows best
Written by Maulana Mustafa Umar
Checked and approved by Mufti Mohammed Tosir Miah
Darul Ifta Birmingham