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Assalamalikum My husband did a lot of things since after we got married to hurt me and my family. He accused me of things which now he tells me were lies, he would always talk behind my back to his family, he used to call me names and would try to show in many different ways sometimes that he doesn’t care for me..etc. Recently, when I took a serious step the first time by sharing things with my family, he immediately realized how bad he is treating me and asked for forgiveness. I told him that i forgive him and since then i’ve been trying but I after all of what he did, I feel nothing in my heart for him. I have no respect or love for him anymore. I feel like its just been months since we got married and I dont want the rest of my life to be like this where I feel nothing for him. 

Answered according to Hanafi Fiqh by Askimam.org

Assalamalikum

My husband did a lot of things since after we got married to hurt me and my family. He accused me of things which now he tells me were lies, he would always talk behind my back to his family, he used to call me names and would try to show in many different ways sometimes that he doesn’t care for me..etc. Recently, when I took a serious step the first time by sharing things with my family, he immediately realized how bad he is treating me and asked for forgiveness. I told him that i forgive him and since then i’ve been trying but I after all of what he did, I feel nothing in my heart for him. I have no respect or love for him anymore. I feel like its just been months since we got married and I dont want the rest of my life to be like this where I feel nothing for him. 

Answer

the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.

As-salāmu ‘alaykum wa-rahmatullāhi wa-barakātuh.

Your empty feeling for your husband is due to his conduct and attitude towards you. He failed to use the opportunity to cultivate his love in your heart. Your recent serious step in discussing the issue with your family was the most appropriate thing to do. The positive thing is your husband realized his wrong and apologized to you. He was not arrogant and did not defend his wrongs. He thus has a good heart. He has realized his wrongs and its major implications. You should allow him time to undo the damage with his new and civilized approach. If he is sincere and honest, the seed of love will germinate in your heart to a fully blossomed love. It is a matter of patience and time. You too should help him to change his attitude as old habits do take time to die. Tell him how you appreciate his humility in accepting his wrong and that encouraged you to give him a chance to change and prove himself. When he shows positive change or conduct, compliment him. This encouragement will work out in your favor and happiness. You may also follow the idealwoman.org website for more tips on your issue.

And Allah Ta’āla Knows Best


Mufti Ebrahim Desai.

This answer was collected from Askimam.org, which is operated under the supervision of Mufti Ebrahim Desai from South Africa.

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