1) I?m diagnosed with borderline personality disorder?there are many aspects of this disorder that bothers me but right now I?d like to discuss just about changing feelings and moods. I have extreme instability in everything?here I?m being specific about my unstable feelings?about my relationships?..specially with God. In all my relations I go through feelings of extreme attachment and intensity and then suddenly one fine moment I feel nothing?there’s just emptiness?.as if nothing really exists?it’s not that hatred sets in instead of love?but what I mean is that I lose the connection for the whole time that I?m in that mood?.just no feeling….as if my heart was dead?.unfortunately this effects my relationship with God too. I want to know what is the solution for this?.how can I keep myself connected to God even when I?m going thro? this period of void feelings?.everything just confuses me as just the other day I was finding God so close to me?.and now where did that moment go away? Thank You, xyz
The solution to your problem is simple.Ask yourself the following questions: Why do I worship Allah? Is it to express my subjugation to Him or to earn feelings in my heart.If the purpose is to be obedient to Allah,your purpose has been well accomplished even without having feelings in the heart.If your purpose is to experince feelings in the heart only,then the purpose of worship is not achieved at all.Your endeavour is not to serve Allah but yourself.
There is nothing wrong if you experience feelings in your heart involuntarily.However that should not be your objective.Continue worshipping Allah even though you do not experince any feelings.There is greater reward in this.
and Allah Ta’ala Knows Best
Mufti Ebrahim Desai