Imam I find myself in a delema that many others find themselves in. However, I want to do what’s right whatever it may be. I am twenty and I find myself increasingly impatient to get married. There is a good muslimah in our community who I have inquired about only in the most appropriate manner. I have raised the issue with my sister and asked my mother for advice. They are both supportive, as they know this sister and respect her very much. Coincedentaly, this sister shows the same respect and adhab to my family. However, her family is very difficult and unaccepting of everyone except from their own background. Normally I wouldn’t be unreasonable and just move on, but in this case this sister has a step mother who may not necessarily think in her best interest. Her father doesn’t believe anyone here in the states is trustworthy enough for her daughter, but he himself married a foreigner. So, I ask you to give me some adivce, as I only mean well for this sister and myself. PS. My mum and my sister have spoken to this sister regarding this matter and she only objects to it for one reason, to avoid chaos in her family, but she is really unhappy.
First and foremost, it is important for you to understand that our thinking and knowledge of the future is limited. What we may regard as good may not turn out to be good. The opposite is also true.
Allah Ta’ala states, ?You may dislike something whereas that is better for you.? Allah further state, ?You may like something whereas that is bad for you?. It is, therefore, important that you exercise extreme precaution in marriage and choosing a marriage partner. It is advisable that you make Istikhaara and seek the guidance of Allah. His knowledge and guidance is absolute. You state having two difficulties regarding the girl ? she has a step mother. It is possible she will not consider the best interest of the girl. The second difficulty is regarding the father’s distrust.
We advise that if the Istikhaara is favourable, some senior members of your family may try to win the confidence of the girl’s father. If the girl is meant for you, then nothing can stop that. If she is not meant for you, you should regard the obstacles as the order of Allah and move on with your life.
and Allah Ta’ala Knows Best
Mufti Ebrahim Desai