Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad
Question:
My father is not a religious man; he does not pray, fast, or give zakat. I have repented from masturbating, and I struggle. He is abusive to me and my stepmom mentally. Can I marry without his permission?
Answer:
Assalamu alaykum,
Thank you for your question. May Allah guide you and your father to a compromise, and may he give you a way out of this situation soon.
Consent
You do need your father’s consent to marry this man, even if he has no grounds for saying no. You should start with praying istikhara, asking Allah if this man is the right one to pursue. Have the man call your father directly and sit with him in person so that he can get to know him. You should also sit with him in person, as meeting someone online can be tricky and not what you expect. Dealing with your father with patience and kindness on the matter of marriage is the best and most rewarding path for you, so try your best to be good to him until Allah sends you a way out.
Options
After speaking with your father, and trying your very best, really you will end up walking away or marrying him. You should be prepared to accept either path and know that Allah will send you what is the best for you and that there is good in every matter for the believer. You are certainly not shameless for talking about marriage, and your repentance from masturbation is a tremendous accomplishment and mercy. May Allah increase you in every good and make this matter easy for you.
Turn to Allah
Ask Allah to help you, especially with his abuse toward you, by supplicating at dawn, and praying on time, and reading some Qur’an every day. Attempt to learn your religion and to apply it as well as you can. Do your best to avoid the abuse and speak to a professional if you can. As a victim of abuse, your supplication to Allah is especially heard and accepted.
The Prophet, may Allah bless him and give him peace, said, “There are three whose supplication is not rejected: The fasting person when he breaks his fast, the just leader, and the supplication of the oppressed person; Allah raises it up above the clouds and opens the gates of heaven to it. And the Lord says: ‘By My might, I shall surely aid you, even if it should be after a while.'” [Tirmidhi]
May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria, for two years, where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, tafseer, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her master’s in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan, where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She recently moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.