Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad
Question
I am 22 years old and began taking my religion seriously this year after being lost. I desire marriage badly because I am lonely and have restrained my sexual tension. I want a spouse to share my life with and to help me be a better Muslim. However, I’m very superficial. It’s hard for me to be attracted to a person, and I don’t want to marry somebody unattractive because I want to start a family. Can I ask Allah for a religious, kind, and handsome man? I pray Allah forgives me for this.
Answer
Sister, you can ask Allah Most High anything that you wish, ask Him things that you deem difficult or impossible, make the grandest and most spectacular supplications that you can think of….. and that is easy for Allah. The Prophet told us, (Allah bless him and give him peace) “Allah descends every night to the lowest heaven when one-third of the first part of the night is over and says: I am the Lord; I am the Lord: who is there to supplicate Me so that I answer him? Who is there to beg of Me so that I grant him? Who is there to beg forgiveness from Me so that I forgive him? He continues like this till the day breaks.” [Muslim]
Adab
The most important aspect of making du’a is adab or good manners.
Please see this link, and it will link you to all the manners of du’a in order:
Adab of Du’a 01
Do I Have to Send Blessings on the Prophet for My Dua to Be Valid?
Choose For Religion
I recommend to you, first, the hadith of the Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace), where he said, “Women are married for four things: their wealth, their nobility, their beauty, and their religious commitment. Choose the one who is religiously committed; may your hands be rubbed with dust (may you prosper).” [Nasa’i]
These links answer your question. Please read them carefully:
How Important Is Physical Attraction in Marriage?
I Wasn’t Attracted to Someone I Was Speaking to for Marriage. What to Do?
Temporary
In short, a man’s looks will not last, as with a woman, and the only thing you will have remaining is his excellent character and loving spirit. It would help if you also consider that a person’s good character beautifies them so that after years of marriage, you will see him very differently from the first time you met him. How many weddings have been contracted for beauty and divorced because of heinous behavior?
Also, consider whether you want someone handsome or someone clean, smells good, and carries himself with dignity and modesty; you may find the latter far more attractive than the former.
Istikhara and Preparation
Always ask Allah Most High when you consider marrying someone. Pray Istikhara: The Prayer of Seeking guidance and following that guidance no matter how he looks. You will start your marriage on the right foot in sha Allah.
Also, prepare well for marriage by taking these courses:
Marriage in Islam: Practical Guidance for Successful Marriages,
Making Love Last: Prophetic Principles for a Successful Marriage
May Allah Most High send you the best spouse for you, making him a garment for you and you a garment for him.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria for two years where she studied aqida, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.