IslamQA.org Logo

Is It Bad That I Do Not Love My Mother Because of All the Stress That She Gives Me?

Answered according to Shafi'i Fiqh by Seekersguidance.org
Question:
This has been troubling me for the past few years. I tried to ignore it time and time again, but it keeps crossing my mind. I have always had a relatively hard relationship with my mother, and recently, I find that she takes a massive toll on my mental health because of what she says and does. I find myself crying most nights, and it is very difficult living with
her and enduring all that she has to say about me. Is it bad that I do not love my mother?
Answer:

Assalamu alaykum,

Thank you for your question. I empathize with your pain and frustration. I am sorry that you have to go through such a hard time with your mother when she should be showering you with love and acting as your biggest supporter.

Patience

Being kind and polite and holding back your tongue with your mother is excellence. It seems to me that she is very lucky to have a daughter like you, and I encourage you to continue to be patient while she is critical of you. Your reward for putting up with her will be tremendous, by the grace of Allah, and you will find that when you are older and married with kids, your relationship will probably improve much. I recommend that you counter her criticism with kindness and gifts, this will usually shame a person into silence and make them see the reality of what they are doing.

Abuse

However, you should not accept abuse because it is harmful to your mental health, and a parent is prohibited from abusing their children in our religion. When she starts her criticism, excuse yourself, and leave, without responding to her. Tell her that it is useless to complain or that you are not feeling well. Just do not engage her. Ask your father or other family members to intervene and help you out. Sometimes, you should stand up for yourself, kindly, and tell her that she must stop criticizing you and that you will not listen to it anymore. Tell her that she is hurting you and that you will not accept it. Tell her that you deserve respect as well.

Steps

– With any problem in life, turn to Allah first, give a little in regular charity, learn your personally obligatory knowledge, be the best Muslimah that you can be, and build your relationship with your Lord. There is no problem that Allah sends you that He cannot solve, so ask for His Mercy and Kindness and guidance to a solution. He will surely come to your aid.
-Try journaling; once you get your emotions onto paper, it will be easier to process them and pinpoint what is bothering you and what you need. I do not want you to cry for hours at night over criticism about you that is probably not true.
-Spend time with good friends who are a positive and religious influence on you.
-Exercise, take your supplements and get very fresh air every day. Do not ever let your physical health suffer.

Consider This Hadith

The Prophet, Allah bless him and give him peace, said, “There are three whose supplication is not rejected: The fasting person when he breaks his fast, the just leader, and the supplication of the oppressed person; Allah raises it up above the clouds and opens the gates of heaven to it. And the Lord says: ‘By My might, I shall surely aid you, even if it should be after a while.’” [Tirmidhi] May Allah give you the best of this world and the next and facilitate your matters for you.

See the links below as well:

[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad

Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria for two years where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, tafseer, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterwards, she moved to Amman, Jordan where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She recently moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.

This answer was collected from Seekersguidance.org. It’s an online learning platform overseen by Sheikh Faraz Rabbani. All courses are free. They also have in-person classes in Canada.

Find more answers indexed from: Seekersguidance.org
Read more answers with similar topics: