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Should he Get Married despite Family Issues?

A young man wants to marry the daughter of his paternal uncle. However, there are family issues that originally resulted from a trivial misunderstanding. Although there is chemistry and harmony between the young man and woman, she is too scared to face her mother and family. Should the young woman`s family turn this young man down?

Answer:

All perfect praise be to Allah the Lord of the Worlds. May His peace and blessings be upon our Prophet Mohammad and upon all his family and companions.

Undoubtedly, family problems and the gossip accompanying them is amongst the forbidden matters as it leads to severance of kinship ties and family desertion. Allah the Almighty says {What means}: " Every time they wish to get away therefrom, from anguish, they will be forced back therein, and (it will be said), "Taste ye the Penalty of Burning!" God will admit those who believe and work righteous deeds, to Gardens beneath which rivers flow: they shall be adorned therein with bracelets of gold and pearls; and their garments there will be of silk." {Muhammad, 22-23}.

However, the most important aspect for a successful marriage and a happy family is religion and character. Therefore, these features should be observed and sought by parents when searching for a wife to their son or a husband to their daughter. He reported God’s Messenger as saying, “When someone with whose religion and character you are satisfied asks your daughter in marriage, accede to his request. If you do not do so there will be temptation in the earth and extensive corruption." {Related by Tirmidhi}.

Al-Ghazali (May Allah have mercy on him) said: "The woman`s guardian should take the characteristics of the suitor into consideration, so he shouldn`t give her in marriage to someone whose religion and character aren`t satisfying, fails to fulfill her rights or isn`t a match for her in terms of family status. The Messenger of Allah (Peace be upon him) said: "Marriage is slavery, so consider the characteristics of the man to whom you are giving your daughter in marriage."

It is the responsibility of the father to choose a suitable husband to his daughter, so if he chooses an evil sinner, innovator or drunkard then he has wronged her.

A man said to Al-Basri: Different suitors have come asking for my daughter's hand in marriage. To whom should I give her in marriage?

He replied: To the god-fearing since if he loved her, he would honor her but if he hated her, he wouldn`t wrong her." {`Ehya` Ulum al-Deen, V.2:41}.

However, harmony between the family of the woman and that of her suitor is neither a condition for the validity of their marriage nor a necessity. What counts, here, is the approval of the woman`s guardian since this is a condition for the validity of the marriage contract.

In addition, multiplicity of problems between both families could lead to more problems after marriage and could even lead to divorce.

We advise the parties in question to fear Allah, take the requirements of successful marriage into consideration, seek building a righteous family, and avoid any disagreements that could lead to wasting chances of happy marriage. We also recommend consulting one of the god-fearing relatives to reach a suitable solution. And Allah the Almighty knows best.

This answer was collected from the official government Iftaa Department of Jordan.

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