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Issues with the wife. Please advise?

Answered according to Hanafi Fiqh by Askimam.org

Assalamu Alaikum,

Dear Mufti.

I am having issues with my wife, specifically with the issues she has with my family. Our cultures are different, she does not want our children to mix with my family due to my parents spoiling the kids with treats etc. Whenever I mention of taking the kids over, there will be a fight between us. My wife does not visit my parents. My mother sometimes has to go to the hospital, I feel ashamed that my wife is not there to make her khidmat. It is extremely displeasing, this is one of the main reason why I cannot bring myself to love her completely. The thought of leaving her has crossed my mind many times, then I think what will happen to her and how much i will hurt the children. There is so much of mental strain, Im not sure what to do. 

Answer

In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.

As-salāmu ‘alaykum wa-rahmatullāhi wa-barakātuh.

Dear Brother in Islam,

We are sorry that you are experiencing such difficulties. We ask Allah to alleviate you of your problems. Ameen.

  1. You have stated that you and your wife have cultural differences. Differences, whether cultural or not, will always exist. You have to circumvent those differences and learn to deal with your wife wisely. You know your wife best and you have to put that knowledge to practice.
  2. Mothers are very sensitive with regards to the rearing of their children. Anything which may disrupt this planned rearing may generate unfavorable results. You may discuss your difficulties with your parents and explain to them your wife’s attitude regarding her children’s rearing; request them to consider that angle. If this is the cause of the conflict and it is addressed, it will create love and harmony within the broader family.           

And Allah Ta’āla Knows Best

Tahmid Chowdhury

Student Darul Iftaa

New York, USA 

Checked and Approved by,

Mufti Ebrahim Desai.

This answer was collected from Askimam.org, which is operated under the supervision of Mufti Ebrahim Desai from South Africa.

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