Answered by Ustadh Tabraze Azam
Question: Assalam alaykum
I know of a brother whose friend told me he is interested in marrying me. My dad prayed istikhara (without meeting him) and said he had the same bad dream several times and feels clear in his decision to say no. Would my father meeting the brother be going against the istikhara?
No, if your father meets the prospective suitor, it is not “going against the istikhara.”
This is because the answer to the Prayer of Seeking Guidance (salat al-istikhara) often manifests in the way matters unfold. Further, the proper manner of doing this prayer entails that you are aware of all the details related to the issue beforehand. Nevertheless, it is also possible to perform the prayer to decide whether or not to proceed with a particular matter.
Make sure you ask him all relevant questions, and make no assumptions whatsoever. With that, pray the Prayer of Need (salat al-hajah) and ask Allah Most High for facilitation, ease and right guidance. [see: How Does One Perform The Prayer Of Need (salat al-haja)?]
[Ibn `Abidin, Radd al-Muhtar `ala al-Durr al-Mukhtar (1.461)]
Please also see: Istikhara – A Powerful Prayer When In Need Of Guidance and: Common Misconceptions about Istikhara and: Istikhara: The Prayer of Seeking Guidance and: How Do I Get Rid of My Desperation to Get Married? and: I Want to Marry Someone Despite My Family’s Opposition. Should I Move On? and: What to Do When My Parents Reject My Choice of Spouse Because of Cultural Reasons?
Consider taking: Marriage in Islam: Practical Guidance for Successful Marriages
And Allah Most High alone knows best.
[Ustadh] Tabraze Azam
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Ustadh Tabraze Azam holds a BSc in Computer Science from the University of Leicester, where he also served as the President of the Islamic Society. He memorised the entire Qur’an in his hometown of Ipswich at the tender age of sixteen, and has since studied the Islamic Sciences in traditional settings in the UK, Jordan and Turkey. He is currently pursuing advanced studies in Jordan, where he is presently based with his family.