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Dilemma in Selecting a Spouse

Answered as per Hanafi Fiqh by Daruliftaa.com

Recently, I have considered my cousin who lives in Pakistan. My heart kept telling me that she was the one.

Now I am struggling between three thoughts. On one hand there is this question what if she doesn’t love Islam very much but then there is her kindness that my mom talked about with passion that stands against the first thought. The third thought is our Prophet (saws)’s advice to pray istikhara and put my trust in Allah. What should I do? I am in a dilemma.


In the name of Allah, Most Compassionate, Most Merciful,

What you should do is inquire about the girl’s religious inclination and devoutness to Islam. The Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) advised us that the first aspect to consider when looking for a spouse is the person’s deen. This includes all aspects of one’s life, from praying, fasting, etc to one’s relationship with others, good character, manners, etc…

Thus, your dilemma is quite simple, in that you need to consider the girl’s deen. For example, you may inquire about the following:

1) Her belief (aqida),

2) Her outwardly worshipping Allah, i.e. Salat, fasting, etc,

3) Her character and manners, and her dealings with other people,

4) Her love for Allah Most High, His beloved Messenger (Allah bless him & give him peace) and for Islam in general.

After having considered the above, you may perform the prayer of guidance (salat al-Istikhara), seek advice from other elders of the family, and then decide. May Allah Most High choose whatever is best for you in this world and the hereafter, Insha Allah.

And Allah knows best

[Mufti] Muhammad ibn Adam
Darul Iftaa
Leicester , UK

This answer was collected from Daruliftaa.com, which is headed by Mufti Muhammad ibn Adam Al-Kawthari. He’s based in the United Kingdom.

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