Asalamaleikum wa rehmathullali wa barakathu..
I am alhamdulilah married for last 4 years.During this period i was not always punctual with my wife .Everytime i use to take promises of my wife and allah .Now i know that taking one promise is haraam .I commited many sins in my life and always cheated my wife .I want to bring my trust back and i love her lot .I am ashamed of my sins and want to ask forgiveness from allah .Kindly just let me know is their any way for sadqa or charity for breaking the promise on his wife not to cheat her or other promises given to his wife.I want to ask forgiveness to my wife also as i am responsible for it.It has become a big burden on my heart.
In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.
As-salāmu ‘alaykum wa-rahmatullāhi wa-barakātuh.
The burden of sins you experience in your heart is a clear sign of your Iman. You know that committing sins is a violation of the laws of Allah. You feel guilty about it and wish to be pardoned. That guilty feeling is a Tawfeeq from Allah and is a stepping stone to tauba and reformation. The only conditions for tauba is to honestly regret the sin and make a firm resolve never to commit such a sin in future. If you have violated the rights of a human being, for example you owe him money etc, and then to fulfill that right of a person is also a condition for the acceptance of tauba. If you fulfill the condition of tauba, have full Yaqeen and conviction in the two qualities of Allah- Ar Rahman and Ar Raheem. Allah is most merciful. When a person sincerely repents, Allah’s mercy comes rushing down and forgives the sin of the person. Rasulullah Sallallāhu Alayhi Wasallam said, a repentant person is like he who has not sinned. In another Hadith, Rasulullah Sallallāhu Alayhi Wasallam said, a repentant person is beloved to Allah.
It is part of repentance that you adopt all means to abstain from sinning in future. Stay away from places of sins and those things that spurs ones desires to do a Haram act. The Nafs of a person is more sensitive that most sensitive magnet. Never trust the Nafs. The only way to abstain from sins is to abstain from those avenues that lead one to sin. In order to achieve that, the following is prescribed:
1) Resolve to perform your five daily Salaah with Jamaat in the Masjid. When a person’s day revolves around Salaah and preparation for Salaah, the Nafs is suppressed and directed to a new form of enjoyment- the Ibadah of Allah.
2) Take out some time, even if it is 10 minutes to recite some portion of the Quran daily. Also read the English translation of that portion and import its message in your heart. Think about the message of those verses throughout the day.
3) Adopt the company of those that are involved in Deeni activity, whether it is Tableegh or Islah (reformation). It is not a condition of tauba to give Sadaqa. If you wish to offer Sadaqa as an atonement of your sins and invoke the mercy of Allah, it is recommended. However, this does not mean that merely giving Sadaqa absolves one from sins. Islaah and reformation of oneself is the core of ones tauba to be accepted.
And Allah Ta’āla Knows Best
Mufti Ebrahim Desai.