Hi. My boyfriend is Muslim & I am a Christian. We have been talking about marriage & therefore I have a few questions. First he said that we do not need to have an Islam marriage, that a civil one would be enough. Later though he said that just how I want to have a Christian marriage, for him it’s important to have an Islam marriage. I do not feel comfortable with an Islam marriage especially not being able to understand what the Imam will actually say. The 2 male witnesses, being my boyfriend’s friends will not make me feel any more comfortable as they don’t speak English. I won’t say ‘yes’ to something I do not understand just like he wouldn’t do the same not understanding my native language. Could you please summarize what an Imam says during a marriage? I heard it lasts only a few minutes, that he is called over to the house and that even the witnesses don’t necessarily have to be close friends, they could just as easily be random men.
Thank you in advance.
In the Name of Allāh, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.
Respected Sister,
The procedure of Solemnising a marriage in Islam is :
The “groom to be” and the “bride to be” represent themselves. The Imam solemnising the marriage will confirm their intention to marry each other. The imam will also enquire from both about the dowry. The Imam may take permission from the “bride to be” to perform her marriage.
He will then recite a khutba (sermon) in which he praises Allah and send salutations upon prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) and his companions. He may also include in the Khutba a hadith (saying of the prophet) about the virtue of marriage. Generally the hadith “النكاح من سنتى” is recited which means “Marriage is from my way of life”.
Thereafter three verses from the Quran are recited. These were the verses Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) encouraged to recite before solemnizing a marriage.
1. يَا أَيُّهَا النَّاسُ اتَّقُوا رَبَّكُمُ الَّذِي خَلَقَكُمْ مِنْ نَفْسٍ وَاحِدَةٍ وَخَلَقَ مِنْهَا زَوْجَهَا وَبَثَّ مِنْهُمَا رِجَالًا كَثِيرًا وَنِسَاءً وَاتَّقُوا اللَّهَ الَّذِي تَسَاءَلُونَ بِهِ وَالْأَرْحَامَ إِنَّ اللَّهَ كَانَ عَلَيْكُمْ رَقِيبًا
O mankind! reverence your Guardian-Lord, who created you from a single person, created, of like nature, His mate, and from them twain scattered (like seeds) countless men and women;- reverence Allah, through whom ye demand your mutual (rights), and (reverence) the wombs (That bore you): for Allah ever watches over you. (Qur’ān 4:1)
2. يَا أَيُّهَا الَّذِينَ آمَنُوا اتَّقُوا اللَّهَ وَقُولُوا قَوْلًا سَدِيدًا () يُصْلِحْ لَكُمْ أَعْمَالَكُمْ وَيَغْفِرْ لَكُمْ ذُنُوبَكُمْ وَمَنْ يُطِعِ اللَّهَ وَرَسُولَهُ فَقَدْ فَازَ فَوْزًا عَظِيمً
O ye who believe! Fear Allah, and (always) say a word directed to the Right. That He may make your conduct whole and sound and forgive you your sins: He that obeys Allah and His Messenger, has already attained the highest achievement. (Qur’ān 33:70-71)
3. يَا أَيُّهَا الَّذِينَ آمَنُوا اتَّقُوا اللَّهَ حَقَّ تُقَاتِهِ وَلَا تَمُوتُنَّ إِلَّا وَأَنْتُمْ مُسْلِمُونَ
O ye who believe! Fear Allah as He should be feared, and die not except in a state of Islam. (Qur’ān 3:102)
The common message in all the verses is “Fear Allah”.
As muslims, we believe in life after death and accountability in the court of Allah, our Lord. We have to carry out our lives according to His commands.
Islamic law emphasises on the husband and wife to fulfil the rights of each other. The prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) advised us to be loving and caring to ones wife and overlooking her.
A muslim is reminded to be conscious of facing Allah after death and accounting to Allah for all his deeds.
It is only if a person is God-fearing, he will fulfil his marital duties. He will not violate his duties to his spouse or else he will have to account for that by Allah.
The more conscious a person is about Allah and death, the more he is upright.
Sister, when the Imam recites these verses from the Quran, you may contemplate on the meaning. This just illustrates how complete and comprehensive is the religion of Islam. The more you study Islam, the more its beauties will become apparent to you.
Nevertheless, the Imam will then address the “groom to be”.
I (the Imam) hand over (name of the bride to be) in marriage to you. Do you accept ?
This is done in the presence of at least two males. Generally the congregation in a mosque serves as witnesses to the marriage. The “groom to be” then commits and says “I accept (name of bride to be) as my wife.
The Imam will then make concluding prayer invoking Allah’s mercy and blessings for the couple.
Kindly find attached a 10 point recipe for a successful marriage.
And Allah Ta’āla Knows Best,
Muftī Ebrahim Desai
10 Point Recipe for a successful marriage
Consider the following ten points to control the instinct of dispute and maintain a happy marriage.
1. Fear Allah:
It was the noble practice of Nabi salallahu ῾alayhi wasallam* to conscientize the spouses about the fear for Allah before performing a Nikah by reciting the verses (Nisa v14, Ahzab v69, Aali-Imraan v101) from the Qur’ān. All the verses are common in the message of Taqwa (fear of Allah). The spouses will be first committed to Allah before being committed to their partner. There can be no doubt in the success of a marriage governed by the fear of Allah.
2. Never be angry at the same time:
Anger is the root cause for all marital disputes. One Sahabi came to Rasulullah salallahu ῾alayhi wasallam and sought some advice. Rasulullah salallahu ῾alayhi wasallam replied, control your anger. The same advice was rendered three times. (Mishkaat pg.433; HM Saeed)
3. If one has to win an argument, let it be the other:
Nabi salallahu ῾alayhi wasallam said: “Whoever discards an argument despite being correct shall earn a palace in the centre of Jannah. (Ibid pg.412)
4. Never shout at each other unless the house is on fire:
Luqman (AS) while offering advice to his son said: “and lower your voice for verily the most disliked voice is that of a donkey”. (Surah Luqman v19)
5. If you have to criticize, do it lovingly:
Rasulullah salallahu ῾alayhi wasallam said, ‘A Mu’ min is a mirror for a Mu’min.’ (Abu Dawud vol.2 pg.325; Imdadiyah) Advise with dignity and silently.
6. Never bring up mistakes of the past:
Nabi salallahu ῾alayhi wasallam said: “Whoever conceals the faults of others, Allah shall conceal his faults on the day of Qiyaamah.” (Mishkaat pg.429; HM Saeed)
7. Neglect the whole world rather than your marriage partner:
Nabi salallahu ῾alayhi wasallam confirmed the advice of Salman to Abu-Darda (May Allah be pleased with him) for neglecting his wife. “Verily there is a right of your wife over you.” (Nasai Hadith2391)
8. Never sleep with an argument unsettled:
Abu Bakr (may Allah be pleased with him) resolved his dispute with his wife over-feeding the guests before going to bed. (Bukhari Hadith 602)
9. At least, once everyday, express your gratitude to your partner:
Nabi salallahu ῾alayhi wasallam said, ‘Whoever does not show gratitude to the people has not shown gratitude to Allah.’ (Abu Dawud pg.662; Karachi)
10. When you have done something wrong, be ready to admit it and ask for forgiveness:
Nabi salallahu ῾alayhi wasallam said, ‘All the sons of Aadam commit error, and the best of those who err are those who seek forgiveness.’ (Tirmidhi Hadith 2499)
*The salallahu ῾alayhi wasallam is a salutation upon Prophet Muhammad and it means “peace and blessings of Allah be upon him”.